Love is a complex concept that philosophers, scientists and romance novelists have struggled with for centuries, if not a millennia. Is it... continue reading
Love is a complex concept that philosophers, scientists and romance novelists have struggled with for centuries, if not a millennia.
Is it a metaphysical experience that blends the attraction of souls to one another (ala “soul-mates”), or is it a human ability to sense pheromones and is therefore a bodily function?
Whatever the explanation may be, love is a fact and we all want to receive it.
Givers of Love
Some people are natural givers. They enjoy showering attention, love and care on those who are around them.
They show love from their words, physical actions and gift-giving. Givers have an inclination to be very empathetic to the ones they love. Everyone has the ability to be a giver. In essence we ALL give, we just do it in different ways.
Receivers of Love
Receivers do not automatically “take” – a common stereotype. We are all receivers in some way. Everyone enjoys feeling love and attention. Receivers naturally receive more than they give. They naturally tend to crave attention from those around them.
Are You a Giver or a Receiver?
We all experience love in different ways, as givers and receivers.
As men, many of us are have an inclination to be receivers. Think about the world around us, about how our culture is geared toward making men into receivers of love and affection rather than givers.
We get used to receiving. Most men are conditioned to be receivers and many women are condition to be givers.
When You Stop Receiving Love…
Nothing in this world can be matched with giving and receiving love. It can make time slow down and make a few seconds last for hours when you are together.
When you are apart, a day can feel like a week. In many ways it can be addictive, to feel and enjoy that love you have been receiving. Like a drug you can become dependent upon it.
Somewhere in the past we’ve all been there. That point where we can tell the relationship has changed.
She has stopped giving, you have stopped receiving, or vice versa. Something is different. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s obvious things have changed.
Do you panic? Do you feel your heart pound in your chest and your ribs compress around your lungs?
Do you analyze it all and look for all of the signs of break up?
If you do, you’re not alone. Everyone feels grief at the end of a relationship. Dealing with it and focusing on what to do, and not why, is a good way to help yourself through it.
Grief is a Natural Response
The grieving process will undoubtedly come into affect; you may feel hurt, angry, more hurt, more angry, seething with rage at one minute and balling your eyes out the next.
It’s important to remember that you are not alone, you aren’t the first person to have your heart broken and you won’t be the last.
Many of the most stout individuals can delay their grief, postpone it, and it will come back to smother them. Feeling grief is natural. Prolonged grief can turn…
Prolonged grief can turn into depression so think about how long you have been grieving and if it affects other aspects of your life.
Focus On “What” and Not On “Why”
The devil is in the details. Focusing on the “why” will happen.
Why did I not do this, or why did she not do that?
Trying to understand the why of breakups and why feelings change is like expecting yourself to understand what love is.
If you don’t know “why” you will focus on yourself.
What did I do? What COULD I have done? These aren’t the “whats” we are looking for. We are looking for “What can I do to move forward?”
Here are a few pointers and things to keep in mind to help get passed a break up.
3 Tips to Help You Get Passed a Break Up
1. Remember Grief is Natural.
You’re not less of a man (or woman) if you feel pain. We’re human, we have emotions and feelings. Welcome to the top of the food pyramid.
2. Get the Support You Need
Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel supported?”
Contact your friends and family and let them in. Nothing shows love like opening up to your loved ones and letting them help you. At our weakest we can be at our strongest.
3. Stay Busy and Productive
Ask yourself, “What can I do to stay busy?
Sitting around and moping can be tedious and affect your health.
Get out and exercise, take yourself out to a movie, go see a friend. Don’t sit and feel sorry for yourself, stay active. Exercise will increase your health and will make you feel better.
Love can make you feel immortal. It can also hurt. That is the other side of the coin.
Think about “what” you can do with yourself after a breakup instead of “why” the break up happened.
Look at how you can love yourself and rely on yourself and not the love of another person. In the long run, you are all you really have control over.