Break Up Despair – Why You Should NEVER Argue by Phone or Email

Break ups are never fun for either partner. Actually, they tend to be a horrible emotional experience for at least one, if not both people involved.

This is also made worse by the fact that people break up over some really silly things, like misunderstandings, lies, or even just disapproval and non-acceptance from their family members or friends.

But finding out that you’re now single through an email or by phone is even worse. It’s so cold, so impersonal, so clinical. Would YOU want to hear that you’re now single by phone or email?

Unfortunately, many people go through a long process of deciding whether to stay in a relationship or break up. And when they finally come to that decision to be alone, they don’t want to confront the other person. In a way, many don’t want to deal with the pain they’re afraid their partner will experience.

But is it right to just make that final phone call, or send that final email, and just end it? Not to say that you OWE anyone anything, whether it is to commit to be with that person forever or to break up with them in a certain way or another. You have the right and the option to be with whomever you choose, and to live your life in the way that you choose.

But in your heart, you know that YOU would prefer to hear it in person, don’t you? Would you want to agonize ALONE over the possible reasons why your relationship just ended? When would you truly get closure?

Today’s question is from a man in Maine dealing with this very issue – his girlfriend broke up with him by email and he just can’t seem to find peace.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have been going together for 2 years and we were engaged. But she broke up with me almost a month ago by e-mail.

I haven’t seen her since then because I am almost 200 miles away from her working. 3 days before she had sent me the break up e-mail we had spent a week together and everything was great, or so I thought. The only reason she gave me in the e-mail was that she has been relying on other people for 8 years and she wants to be able to be independent on her own and prove to herself that she can. I had tried many times to call her and talk but she won’t answer the phone. I have texted her here and then and she does text back, but only if it’s nothing to do about us.

She also has 2 kids that I love to death. Their fathers aren’t in there lives so they had been calling me daddy the hole time we were together. I don’t want to lose her or the kids.

I just don’t understand why she would want to throw away a 2 great year relationship over something like this. I texted her today and told her I might be up this weekend or next to get my stuff and asked if she would talk to me when I was there. She said sure but she wasn’t going to talk about things that will make this break up more difficult. What does she think I’m going to want to talk about? To me I think I deserve to be able to talk to her face to face about all this. The way she broke it off with me just wasn’t right. Anyone got any advice to how I should approach this when I get there.

– Jason (Maine)


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