Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy.
Then suddenly one day, Girl meets a different boy. Oops.
Girl is shocked, confused (well, not THAT confused), and too afraid to tell the first boy about the new boy…
So what’s a girl to do?
This is a classic story that repeats itself over and over.
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
My boyfriend and I have been dating a few years now.
Now I met this other guy whom I really like. He has a girlfriend though he likes me more. I am flirtier with him. He makes me laugh and he is really cute. My parents and friends like him too. While hanging out we ended kissing.
I’ve been pushing my boyfriend away for awhile and he knows it and he don’t care. I am not happy when I am with him. I don’t want to kiss him, hug him or anything. He won’t break up with me, he is too “in love” with me. What should I do?
– Lost, Illinois
Why Won’t He Break Up With Me Already?!
Hanging On Too Long Is A Mistake
The real trouble comes when you continue to lead the first boy along and hide your feelings for the new boy. So now you’re deceiving both boys. At some point the truth will come out…
One of the biggest issues in our society today is that people tend to hang onto relationships much longer than they should. No one is happy, but no one has the courage to walk away either. If the relationship isn’t working, then it’s time to walk away.
But before you make this huge decision, think about why the first relationship is not working.
Ask yourself questions like:
Are you bored?
Have you both gotten lazy?
Are your underlying beliefs completely different?
Are your lives going in very different directions?
Really think about why you want to break up. Make sure you’re breaking up for the right reasons. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same situation with your next boyfriend, and the next.
Life has a way of handing us the same challenge, or test, over and over again until we get it right.
Honesty Is Critical For A Happy Relationship
We believe that honesty is the single most important thing in a relationship. If you can’t be honest with each other then why bother? It may be hard…
It may be hard to be honest with someone about your feelings, especially when you’re talking about breaking up. But it is really cruel to lead someone on when your feelings for them have changed.
So stop hanging around and waiting for the other person to break up with you. You owe it to boy Number One, boy Number Two, and to yourself to come clean about your feelings.
Get some courage, grow some balls (or what ever you want to call it), and either breakup or make the commitment to stay.
Only you know when it’s time to leave your relationship. No one else can make that decision for you.
If you do decide to break up with your current boyfriend, be honest and direct. Say, “Look, I don’t want to be together any more.”
He will most likely want to know why and he will deserve an answer.
Whatever your reason for breaking up may be, you need to be honest with your current boyfriend. One word of advice however… Make the breakup about your feelings.
Don’t make boy Number One your excuse to break up with boy Number Two. Don’t make boy Number Two your excuse to break up with boy Number One either. In fact, don’t make the break up about him or anyone else at all.
Keep it about your feelings, your wants, and your needs.
Otherwise you’ll cause him much more pain than necessary.