It’s true, people who are married or in long term relationships continually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people who... continue reading
It’s true, people who are married or in long term relationships continually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people who are single or dating.
The old belief that committing yourself to one person dooms you to a life of sexual monotony is wrong.
Rather than placing limits on your sexuality, the emotional environment created by long term relationships (LTRs) actually fosters a more varied, creative, and explorative sex life.
3 Reasons Why Sex is Better in a LTR
1. Greater Sexual Frequency
The most obvious reason why sex is potentially better in a committed relationship is the general availability of a sex partner. Unlike the dating phase, most people in LTRs end up living together, which means sharing their nightly beds as well as their daily lives. This closeness often gives rise to more opportunities for sexual contact.
Instead of having to make a date to get together, and then trying to seduce your date into your bed, he or she is already there!
To counter this point some argue that sex happens most frequently in the beginning stages of a relationship, so “serial daters” have more sex than those in LTRs. But this isn’t actually true.
On average married couples have sex once or twice a week, which may not seem like very much to someone who is in a “hot” new relationship and having sex three times a day. But remember, married couples have sex once or twice a week every week, all year long, for years!
And some LTR couples have much more sex than that. Of course the frequency of sex also depends on lifestyle changes such as children, stress levels, etc. But even after all of these things are accounted for, the average person in an LTR still has more sex in a given year than the average single person.
2. Easier Communication Means More Satisfying Sex
Couples who have lovingly and willingly committed themselves to each other share an emotional bond that is deepened by constant communication. They talk openly about everything – including their sexual likes and dislikes.
Once people are at the point in their relationships where they feel secure with their partners (knowing that ‘saying the wrong thing‘ won‘t jeopardize the relationship itself), they are much more willing to be upfront about what pleases them – and what doesn’t.
For example, it’s a lot easier to tell someone, “You know, I really don’t like it when you squeeze my thighs so hard during oral sex. It’s too distracting…” when you’ve been with them for a long time than when you’ve just started having sex together.
Said to someone in a stable relationship, the above admission will probably be received in a “Good to know, thanks for telling me” kind of way. But said to someone in the early stages of a relationship, the admission could be received offensively because the underlying emotional foundations of security that are needed to support sexual technique criticisms just aren’t there yet.
The open and consequence-free conversations that characterize LTRs usually lead to a very intimate understanding of what both partners sexually enjoy, making each sexual episode an opportunity for improvement.
3. Trust Allows for Experimentation
Once all the talking is over, it’s much easier to put those communicated desires into action if both partners trust each other completely. Most sexual experimentation – from trying new positions to living out one’s wildest fetish fantasies – happen inside of LTRs.
Yes, there are instances when one partner refuses to do or try something the other partner would like, but usually couples are able to find compromises or alternatives. And once an activity is found that thrills them both, they can continue exploring it, and all its variations, to the fullest.
So the next time someone tries to convince you that marriage or commitment will ruin your sex life, remember all the reasons why this simply isn’t true. Healthy relationships are the best places to develop, explore, and deepen your own understanding of all the wonderful emotional and physical experiences sexuality has to offer.
Featured Author, Rose Rivera has a Masters degree in Family and Sexuality Studies and is the founder of SpeakSexy.org, a website dedicated to keeping readers abreast of the latest sexuality trends in an intelligent, provocative, and erotic way. For more great sex tips be sure to sign up to Speak Sexy’s feed today!