Erotic fundamentalism doesn’t have anything to do with the fundamentals of eroticism! Think “religious fundamentalism” and we’re getting closer to the term’s meaning.
Are Opposite Sex Friendships Harmful?
There’s a movement across the land of the free encouraging people to restrict their interaction with members of the opposite sex because an innocent, platonic friendship can become emotional infidelity, eventually becoming physical. I even recently wrote an article for AskDanandJennifer.com about the vulnerability of opposite sex friendships becoming emotional affairs prior to getting physical. However, I did not offer advice at the extreme I heard recently. That extreme advice was to just say no to friendships with the opposite sex. That’s just crazy! Although, I must say, it isn’t surprising in a society where six year old little boys can be suspended from school when they “sexually harass” their teachers!
While there is benefit to paying attention to whether or not you are more excited to see a co-worker than you are your spouse, suggesting you might have a crush on the co-worker with the need to wake up to that fact; refusing to make friends with the opposite sex when you are in a committed relationship only adds fire to fuel of infidelity. What you resist persists. It is why various charismatic preachers have been caught with their pants down with the wrong woman or man through the years. Putting too much attention on what’s wrong with sex, suggests one protests too much. And if that is true then before too long it will come around to bite one in the butt.
More Comfortable With Violence Than Sexual Expression?
I don’t know if erotic fundamentalists are like other kinds of fundamentalists who are more comfortable with violence than they are with sexual expression. I suspect they are. A prescription for infidelity that includes refusing to make friends with the opposite sex suggests that sexuality is to be considered repugnant. Sex, more than love, is the source of life. You can have babies with or without love. But only sex brings forth life. In my experience, those who find sex repugnant, find violence appealing.
Our television and movie viewing habits reveal America’s obsession with violence and revulsion of sex. I remember when I read that a movie is given an NC-17 rating when the people copulating in it reach orgasm at the same time. If the director edits the film so that their orgasms occur seconds apart, they can have an R rating and increase their audience.
The Ugly Truth?
I thought I was above the preference for violence over sex thing until I saw “The Ugly Truth” for the first time. Having a not-so-secret crush on Gerard Butler, I couldn’t wait to see him in a chick flick where his character didn’t have to die! As I sat through my first viewing of the movie, I found myself laughing at the raunchy humor while dying a little inside. Gerard quickly fell off the pedestal I’d had him on. In one scene in particular, he uses the phrase “flick the bean” repeatedly, referring to a woman pleasuring herself.
I left the movie remembering his performances in “Phantom of the Opera” and “300,” saying, “King Leonidas and the Phantom do not say, ‘flick the bean!’ They’re too classy for that!” Then I added, “Of course, they kill people but they don’t say, ‘flick the bean!’” I was humbled to realize I was just like every other American who was comfortable with violence, uncomfortable with sex.
I went back and saw “The Ugly Truth” a second time. It really is best not to put anyone on a pedestal whether they are a real part of your life or part of that grand public parade out there. It was much better for me the second time around!
We do not need to constrict our expressions of love, affection, and friendship with anyone – opposite or same sex person. Resisting the natural inclination for innocent flirtations with and genuine support of friends will not cure what ails us. Being attracted to someone other than your spouse or significant other simply means you are still in the game. You are still alive and vibrant. And, if you like this language, it means your kundalini is healthy. Take responsibility for how you express love, affection, and friendship but please don’t call it quits. If you do, you’ll not only do violence to your heart and soul; you’ll likely find yourself single again and able to flirt all you want with whomever you want while your broken heart keeps you company.