When a man has an affair with a woman who does not match his wife in terms of intelligence, accomplishment, and class, it is because he has... continue reading
When a man has an affair with a woman who does not match his wife in terms of intelligence, accomplishment, and class, it is because he has no intention of replacing his wife with her. He has no intention of making a life with her. He has no intention of placing himself in the position to be her protector and provider. No matter how hot he is for her, he doesn’t respect her and has no intention of taking care of her. She exists to take care of his needs. To whatever extent his power and the seduction of pretending she is somehow superior to his wife feels good to her and seems to meet a need of hers; he does not, in fact, exist to serve her.
Does He Really Love You?
As Steve Harvey so beautifully says in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
When a man loves you he does three things:
A man in love with you professes his love for you, both to you and to others.
A man in love with you provides for you.
A man in love with you protects you.
When a married man has an affair with you, he is in no position to profess his love for you to anyone outside the relationship because it puts him and his reputation at risk. He is in no position to provide for you either. Even if he buys you expensive gifts or sets you up in an apartment, you have no legal claim on this man. When he changes his mind about you or if he dies, you get nothing and you have no recourse to use your romantic tie to him to get anything.
Steve Harvey says that providing for his woman is “the very core of manhood.” As his mistress, your man isn’t free to express himself with you at his masculine best. This results in resentment towards you and contributes to his lack of respect for you.
When a married man has an affair with you, he cannot protect you from those who will judge you once they know you are romantically linked to a married man. He isn’t in your life enough to protect you from the slings and arrows of life. He cannot protect you from people who mistreat you because to do so puts him at too much risk. When a married man has an affair with you, he puts you in harm’s way. This is why the movie, “Fatal Attraction,” terrified a generation of men. When the mistress put the cheating husband in harm’s way, she completely undermined his power in that relationship, in his marriage, and in the rest of his life.
In the short term, the thrill of the chase, the excitement of being “bad,” and the newness of sex with you can make him appear to be gloriously happy with you. It will not last.
Are There Any Exceptions To This Rule?
There is one caveat to this observation. Sometimes two people genuinely fall in love while cheating on their spouses. Sometimes, when marriages are in trouble and ending, the next love comes along before the marriage has had a chance to come to an end. It is a complicated way to begin a relationship and carries fragility and vulnerabilities that singles who fall in love don’t have to deal with. In such a case, you will find your man either professing his love for you, providing for you, and protecting you or taking action to speed up the day when he can do so.
If you are a married man’s mistress, be deeply honest with yourself about how you perceive him. Take a good long look at whether or not he is making himself free to profess his love for you outside the relationship, genuinely provide for you, and be there to really protect you. If not, confront the fact that he will never really be yours but will always belong to someone else and decide if this is good enough for you.
You are worthy of better love. If he can’t provide it, what are you waiting for?