Is Phone Sex Really Cheating?

In a world where technology is growing with no end in sight, it’s not uncommon for people to seek sexual pleasure or to fill sexual voids using technology.

Whether it’s phone sex, internet cyber sex or online dating, many people end up using technology to their advantage to spice up their sex lives or further their relationships. What happens if you’re doing these things while you’re in a relationship with someone else? Is it really cheating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love my husband and have tried for years to get him to be more open with sex. I am not shy at all and prefer more sparks and even some dirty talking. He won’t ……at all. He prefers it quiet and the same. Here is the problem. I met a wonderful man on yahoo chat. He’s married as well and neither of us will ever leave our spouses. We have the most amazing phone sex imaginable. I’m afraid otherwise without this outlet I would have strayed. But this “cyber sex” fills a need and keeps me home where I love my husband.

Am I a horrible person…….should I stop?

– Chris, Wisconsin

Breaking Your Partner’s Trust

Cheating is anything that breaks your partner’s trust, or is something they don’t know about and you’re trying to keep hidden from them. It’s not necessarily just physically having sex with someone else other than your partner that constitutes cheating.

Swingers do that all the time and obviously for them, it’s not cheating. Consider cheating to be anything that you wouldn’t do with your partner around or that your partner doesn’t know about.

Would you have phone sex with someone else with your partner sitting right there? Would you chat with your online sex buddy while your partner was over on the couch watching a movie?

Chances are, you’re doing these things without your partner’s knowledge. It may seem less “bad” than actually having sex with someone else, but all of those things, whether it’s having phone sex or having actual sex, breaks your partner’s trust. So it’s cheating.

Coming Clean

For a relationship to survive, you have to be open and honest with your partner. You can’t hide things from them or continually do things that break their trust. If you do, the relationship will never last. If you care about your partner and truly want to have a fulfilling relationship with them, it’s important to come clean about the cheating.

Let them know what you’re up to. Let them know that you truly care about them and you’re simply fulfilling a need that’s not emotional. Don’t be critical and don’t blame your partner for “making you do this.”

Ask Your Partner How They Feel

It shouldn’t be brought up to your partner in a “you can’t give me what I need but they can” sort of way, because that attitude will only make things worse. Ask your partner how they feel about it. Do they want you to stop? Let them know that if they do, you’re ready to do that.

You might be surprised. They might be open to an online only relationship or phone sex between you and someone else. They might want to become part of it too. Be prepared, however, for your partner to ask you to stop. You should also be prepared to earn back their trust.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

If your sex life with your partner is lacking, and you’re turning to phone sex or cyber sex to fill the void, consider putting some of this effort into working on your sex life with your partner. Perhaps you two could each take a phone into a different room and have phone sex that way. Your partner might feel more comfortable talking dirty to you this way. Perhaps you can send each other racy emails.

Focus your efforts on making your sex life with your partner work. You’ll be surprised at what a little creativity can do to spice up things in the bedroom!


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