Do you have a feeling in your gut that’s something wrong in your relationship? That maybe, just maybe, your partner’s being unfaithful? If you do, then you have a decision to make and several options to choose from.
First, think about how sure you are of their infidelity. If you aren’t sure at all then option one, confronting them right now, without wasting any time, is completely out of the question. Doing so could ruin the relationship because it’d highlight, rightly or wrongly, that you don’t trust your partner.
The second option: ignore your suspicions, assume they’re unfounded and that they always will be, that nothing’s going on, and continue as normal.
This option’s one many people take, either to avoid being confronted with an ugly truth, that their lover’s doing some extra ‘loving’ behind their backs, or because they fear they’re being unfair to their partners by being suspicious of them and doubtful of their devotedness.
Third option: do something to help eradicate your suspicions. Find out either way what’s going on, if your partner’s cheating on you or if they’re being faithful.
Learning the Truth
Okay, let’s assume option three is the one for you. You want to find out the truth and don’t want to simply ignore your gut instinct and continue on as normal. What methods of investigation, ways of discovering the facts, are there at your disposal?
1. The simplest way (often considered the first step), and something you might have already begun doing, is looking for obvious signs of potential betrayal. Your partner smells of a fragrance, perfume or after-shave you don’t recognize.
They’ve been leaving the house for work half an hour earlier than they’ve ever done before, for no apparent reason. They don’t seem to enjoy sex with you as they used to, or choose to avoid it completely whenever they can.
Keep an eye out for these surface signs of potential infidelity. In a way, looking for them and recording them in your mind or on paper can be considered harmless, it’s free information there to be noticed…if only you’ll look.
2. After the obvious potential signs of cheating dry up, or when you feel you’re at a dead end looking for and analyzing them, more forthright, headstrong action may be called for. Some people, at this point, reach straight for the Yellow Pages, thumbing right to the private investigator section.
That’s one option, sure, but there are things you can do yourself before calling in a third party. First, you could try setting a trap. It may sound a little primeval, like catching a wild animal, but really it’s more like a test.
These tests can take many forms. For example, arrange a “trip,” say you’re going away for a couple days to visit your folks, or friends, and use that time to keep track of some of the things your partner does.
You don’t necessarily need to sit outside in the car with a pair of binoculars 24/7, just pay attention to key times when your partner would, if you were home, do certain things, like leave the house for work, come home, etc.
You’d be surprised how many cheaters embrace these rare, private opportunities to further their affairs and indulge in some extra-marital ‘relations’.
Subtler Ways of Testing Fidelity
There are also subtler ways of testing your partner’s fidelity and faithfulness. One of them’s called the ‘gossip’ test. It involves bringing up the topic of cheating using a fictional third party, such as one of your work colleagues or friends.
Mention, without hinting at your suspicion of them in the slightest, that your friend (or whoever you’ve chosen to use for this test) confided in you that they’re cheating on their partner. Most people are, to some degree or another, even if it’s just to maintain conversation, interested in a little gossip, especially if it involves a subject as juicy as infidelity.
But when cheaters hear the topic of cheating brought up, they tend to silently panic – a rush of nerves sweeps their consciousness. Have they been rumbled? Is this a test? Am I reacting like a non-cheater would to this kind of chat?
Keep a close watch on how YOUR partner reacts…it could provide a telling insight into their current state of mind, how they feel about cheating and whether or not, when you boil it right down, you can trust them to not cheat on you.