I’m In Love With My Best Friend. How Do I Tell Her?

If you find yourself in love with your best friend, take heart. You’re not the only one! It can be intimidating, however, to think of ways to tell your best friend how you feel without risking losing your best friend.

You might be tempted to feel the situation out with your friend’s friends, or you might prefer the idea to keeping quiet. How do you approach your best friend if you have feelings for them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like this girl, I think I love her… But she’s one of my best friends and I don’t want to tell her about my feelings because I’m afraid that I will lose my friend. I told her friend about my feelings and I think she told her. Since then she’s gone all weird with me and doesn’t go out with me anymore. She always says that she’s busy or something. What should I do? Please help.

–Fizwan, England

The Friend’s Friends

Bouncing the idea of hooking up with your best friend off their friends’ might sound appealing. You get an opinion that is as close as possible to your best friend’s opinion without actually being their opinion. Sure, it sounds great but in reality, this plan tends to backfire the most. What usually happens is the friend never keeps it quiet and approaches your best friend with the info.

While that’s scary enough, the friend usually puts whatever spin on it they like, based on how they feel about you. If that friend dislikes you or thinks you aren’t a good match for her friend, your best friend might hear a convoluted story. It’s not always this way, but if you tell your best friend’s friend your feelings, you can pretty much guarantee that your best friend will hear about it too.

Keeping Quiet

Risking losing your best friend over your feelings might sound like it’s too much to handle and it might be tempting to just stay quiet rather than risk the end of the friendship.  Sure, if you stay quiet, you won’t risk losing your best friend over your feelings. But you might also be living an unfulfilled life.

What if you grow out of the friendship and end up going separate ways anyway, but you never got to tell your best friend how you felt? Think long and hard about whether you truly want to stay quiet. Make sure it’s a decision you really want to make.

Telling Your Best Friend

You might decide that you want to let your best friend know that you have romantic feelings for them. It takes some guts, but in the end, you might be better off. Just make sure to tell your friend directly how you feel instead of letting someone else do it for you. It’s much better when they hear it straight from you!

If your friendship ends over it, you might want to consider the fact that perhaps your friendship wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Who knows though, your friend could secretly be nursing a crush on you as well!  The only tried and true way to find out if you can make a relationship work with your best friend is talking to them, one on one.

Take It Slow

If you end up being lucky enough to start a romantic relationship with your best friend, you might want to take it slow. Don’t skip the dating process just because you already know each other well.

This might cause you to move to fast and end up crashing and burning later down the road. Take the time to get to know each other in a different way. You might be surprised at how much new things you learn about your best friend!


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