Relationships are all about trust. It is what builds the foundation for a healthy partnership. It is essential that you trust your partner and that your partner trust you.
However, early on in relationships, it is normal to have questions and suspicions while you are still building that foundation of trust.
The question for you is what are you going to do about it? Are you going to let your suspicions run your life and ruin your relationship? Or are you going to face them?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I have been going out with this girl for 2 months now and I really like her a lot. She also has a 7 year old daughter. I just don’t know if she really likes me or if maybe she likes 2 guys at once.
We live an hour away from each other so we don’t see much of each other. I asked her if she maybe likes another guy or just doesn’t want her heart broken. She told me no, she doesn’t like another guy. Why would I say that? She just doesn’t want her heart broken. She has told me she wanted to take it slow and that’s what I’m doing or at least trying to do but, I just want to know if she really likes me or is just playing me.
How could I find this out?
- John, Illinois
Confronting Your Partner
Whether you live far away from each other or are just in a new relationship, you’re going to have a few things that come up while you’re still getting to know each other. Do you think she likes someone else? Does she think you’re not committed? No matter what the question is, it is important to confront your partner and discuss the matter at hand like two adults.
When confronting your partner, don’t do it in a hateful or spiteful manner. That will only serve to put them off before they even hear what you have to say. Bring it up without being accusatory. Remember, you’re not pointing fingers! You simply want to hear their side of the situation. That said; when you’ve spoken your peace, listen to your partner. Actually listen.
Trust Your Partner
If your partner tells you that you’re her one and only but she just doesn’t want to move too fast, you should take what she says and leave it at that. Unless you don’t trust her, you have no reason to believe otherwise unless she’s given you a reason.
This is where trust comes in and learning to trust your partner like this is part of building a strong relationship foundation. If you tell you’re partner that you’re committed and she doesn’t believe you, how would that make you feel? What if she continued to ask the same question over and over, no matter what you told her?
You’d feel a little bit like a broken record, and that she didn’t trust what you said enough to believe it. This is a bad way to build a relationship. Trust what they say until they prove that you can’t.
Remember, people are innocent until they are proven guilty.
That doesn’t mean that you should go looking for things to prove your partner likes someone else or isn’t all that into you. Snooping around shows that you don’t trust your partner as much as grilling them continuously about the same thing no matter what they say.
If you find yourself looking for reasons that you’re right, despite what your partner is telling you, you may be unconsciously sabotaging your relationship. In that case, seek counseling. You shouldn’t be digging around trying to find a way to pin something on your partner when she clearly says that it’s not true.
That said, the same goes for you. Your partner should trust you enough that if you say something isn’t happening, it’s not! Take it at face value and move on. Move on with your lives together and don’t address the same situation unless something new comes up that leads you to believe otherwise. If you build your relationship on trust and acceptance, you’ll have a long, steady road together.