Good relationship advice would be to go with the flow and let things develop naturally. But what do you do if your S.O. refuses to talk about it?
What does it mean when a guy says he isn’t seeing anyone else but isn’t ‘a labels guy?”
What She Said:
I’m guessing it means he wants to have his cake and eat it too. As played out as that old adage is, there’s a reason it’s still around. Without labels, your guy is freed from defining the relationship while still reaping the benefits of your company. The question you have to ask yourself is: Are you having fun and, if so, why do you care what it’s called?
One thing that’s crucial in this equation is time. How long have you been seeing each other? If you’ve only been hanging out a few weeks (or even a few months), back off from trying to define the terms. No one likes to be pushed and you’ll never see a guy run faster than if you try to pin him down. Men are attracted to women who have a sense of independence; needing to give a name to something doesn’t always reflect that trait.
On the other hand, if it’s been a prolonged amount of time and everything (other than the title) points towards the two of you being serious and exclusive, you deserve to know. You have the right to this information, both sexually and emotionally. If you’re in a committed relationship (i.e. monogamous), you can explore options other than condoms. A “title” also gives you the go ahead to release your heart and invest in your companion emotionally.
Follow your instincts. If you feel enough time has passed, broach the subject. If he’s willing to happily give you an answer, proceed. If a significant amount of time has passed and he still hems and haws, pick up a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You. You’ll figure out the rest from there!
What He Said:
Well, he could be a player who is into dating them and letting them go. Or maybe he’s not ready for a serious relationship and is trying to give you realistic expectations of where he’s at. Or maybe you seem a bit clingy or that you’re moving too fast to soon, as least as far as he’s concerned, and he might want to put the brakes on.
Then again, who the hell cares what it means. How am I supposed to know anyway? What am I? Oprah? Seriously, it doesn’t really matter what it means, because clearly you have a problem with it. It’s not sitting right with you for whatever reason. You’re clearly having a gut reaction on this one. So why aren’t you going with it? Why are you asking two people you don’t know?
Ask him straight up. Don’t let him give you anything other than a straight answer. Let him know that whatever the answer is is okay, but you do want to know where he’s at, no bullshit. And you have to mean that. He may think it’s a trick, so assure him it’s not. It may take some prying, but you will get the answer out of him. Evaluate it, and either move forward or don’t.