I recently heard a young woman casually refer to the man she’d had rebound sex with at the close of a long term relationship while castigating her former lover for 1) already being in a relationship and 2) being in a relationship with a “skank.”
Because she hoped the result of the break up would be their getting back together some day, she feels he needs to 1) wait for her and 2) maintain his virtue for her satisfaction.
What is wrong with this picture? When she becomes the seducer out there in the world and desires her former lover maintain his virtue, she assumes the role of the man and expects him to take the role of the woman. It isn’t fair and it isn’t healthy.
Role Reversal in Our Society
Not only is this scene typical in our role reversal society, it is typical for adult mama’s boys and daddy’s girls. Mama’s boys are men who do not realize the key to their personal power and potency lies within.
They try to get their power by either pushing against or pulling on the women in their lives. Daddy’s girls are women who do not realize the path to their fulfillment lies within. They attempt to find fulfillment by taking care of the men in their lives. Adult mama’s boys and daddy’s girls fall into role reversal easily and painfully.
The young woman mentioned above is a daddy’s girl who “mothers” everyone in her life. She takes care of them by alternately bullying them, nurturing them, patronizing them, and helping make their lives easier by sacrificing for them. She is a magnet for any mama’s boy looking to please “mother.”
Her former lover is most likely in a rebound relationship with someone who will cause her to feel threatened and humiliated. When she rejected him, his pride was hurt and now he has something to prove. Because he is on the rebound, this current relationship will likely not last.
At some point, he will long for a woman who is more demanding so that he can attempt to feel like a man by trying to please her and make her happy.
Relationships Are Messy!
It is easy to look at the surface of this constellation of relationships following a break up, shake our heads and murmur disdain. It is also possible to look at this scene and feel uncomfortable or ashamed because it is too familiar. Don’t dismiss these young lovers out of hand.
Relationships are messy because few of us are taught how to have healthy, romantic relationships! However, we can walk out of the painful complications of role reversal. A primary guide on the path to healing is the technique called “Act as if.”
Acting As If…
This means acting as if he carries the masculine energy in the relationship and as if she carries the feminine energy in the relationship. You act as if what you want to be is who are until it becomes a real choice or even becomes the truth of who you are.
As individuals or as a couple, if you decide you would like to each hold the respective masculine and feminine energies, look for clues that you are doing a role reversal and then reverse that!
Say you as a woman realize that you are the aggressor, the seducer, the risk taker, expecting your man to be the virtuous one between you, then put your attention on ways you can be receptive, mysterious, at ease with yourself and with him.
If as a man you discover that you wait for her approval before you act, find something to take action on and do it. Take action without waiting for her approval. Then monitor your need for praise afterwards.
There is a difference between soaking up her praise because it feels so good and desperately needing it to feel good about yourself. You can practice desiring it without needing it until it becomes a reality.
It Isn’t an Easy Road
This may sound like a simple cure for a complex difficulty in relationships. It isn’t simple. It takes self-discipline and self-love to give up role reversal. There are pay offs for role reversal in the first place. Namely, loyalty to mothers and fathers.
If your mother was your champion, your best friend when you were a boy and young man, releasing your attachment to her and finding your power within your own masculinity can seem like betrayal on a subconscious level where you do not have a lot of control.
Choosing a woman who will take care of you the way she did can feel like “home.” Asking more of yourself and more of your mate may not only stress that relationship but the one with your parents too.
If your father was your champion, your best friend when you were a girl and young woman, releasing your attachment to him and finding your fulfillment within your own femininity can make you feel like you are hurting the only man who will ever really love you.
It doesn’t make sense. Why would he not want you to be all that you can be: successful, beautiful, and feminine? Where the difficulty lies, isn’t on the rational level. It is deep down trapped in conflicting feelings.
However, choosing to hang out in the energy that belongs to your sex can revitalize your relationship and your life. No matter what kind of mama’s boy you have in your life, he longs to be respected and admired.
No matter what kind of daddy’s girl you have in your life, she longs to be cherished and loved. It doesn’t matter for how long you have been committed, consciously or subconsciously, to role reversal, women love to be cherished and men love to be respected.
Learning to hang out in and embrace your same sex energy can jazz up the chemistry between you, making you feel loved and lovable in a whole new way!