I’m Flirting Constantly But My Man Isn’t Jealous – What Gives?

I’m a girl and I flirt – a lot. Most of my ex bf’s can’t handle it. My current boyfriend says he doesn’t get the least bit jealous. Is that right? Should he be jealous?

What She Said

Do you want him to be jealous? It sounds like you’re playing the flirt as a form of control and not as something that’s genuinely a part of your personality. If you were truly the flirty type, you would most likely do it in a fun and light way – a way that convinces your boyfriend there’s nothing to worry about instead of searching for a reaction from him.

Does He Have To Be Jealous?

It sounds like you’ve got a great guy – one who’s interested in letting you be yourself, as well as someone who is invested in keeping your relationship drama-free. It is possible for you to both chat (and even lightly flirt) with members of the opposite sex without either one of you getting jealous. While jealousy is a normal emotion, it’s not necessarily the healthiest option. It usually stems from fear. So, if your current BF doesn’t fear losing you, he’s not going to get jealous. Why would he?

Is What You’re Doing Really Healthy?

Perhaps you need to look away from his (lack of) motivation and take a closer look at yourself. Did you get a kick out of making men in your life “go nuts” by being a flirt? It sure sounds like it! But why were you so into yanking their proverbial chains emotionally? Would you like it if someone went out of his way to get cozy with another gal, all to make sure you were paying attention? It’s not a nice feeling – and it’s not a nice thing to try to make someone else feel. It sounds like you’ve been operating out of insecurity in past relationships.

It’s Time To Grow Up

Making those men go wild was a way of getting affirmation from them – but it was forced from your wily ways and not a genuine declaration. It sounds like it’s time to drop your guard. Flirting may have been a defense mechanism in the past – it kept you in control and your partners on their toes.

However, this new relationship isn’t adhering to your old tricks – and that’s not a bad thing. It sounds like you’ve found someone who can help you grow. I’m not saying you have to dump flirting from your repertoire, just make sure it’s for the right reasons. In the meantime, take a moment to appreciate your current boyfriend and take a break from all the game playing.

What He Said

If your man doesn’t have a problem with the fact that you’re an attention whore, should you really be complaining?

Kidding. Sort of. Not really, now that I think of it. You clearly get off on this pattern for whatever reason. Maybe you have intimacy issues, and this is your way of pushing guys away who get too close to you. Maybe you really, really need the attention, and in that case….well, you need Jesus. Or Oprah. Or Dr. Drew if they’re all busy.

Are You Sabotaging Your Own Relationships?

Somehow you landed yourself a man who won’t let you sabotage things. I didn’t hear you complain about the quality of the relationship, so I’ll take a stab and say the relationship is great and that’s what freaks you out. You’re not used to it. Good problem to have I think. Learn to enjoy it or go back to the same craptastic dating pattern you were in before.

Your choice.


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