If you find yourself in a marriage that makes you unhappy, you’re not the only one. It’s a difficult situation to get through.
Do you try to make it work? Do you try to leave, or get a divorce? Do you just leave well enough alone and try to be happy, even though you realize the rest of your life will be like that?
It can be even more difficult to sort through if you don’t have any support. Where do you start?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
Hallo, I’ve been married for 8 years. My husband cheated on me recently and he never showed any guilt & never said sorry. I feel so much pain in my heart, I can’t trust him anymore, and he just goes out everyday after work to drink. I strongly feel I need a divorce but I don’t know how I will be able to take care of my 2 kids. I don’t have a job. My friends tell me to stay until I can manage on my own but I can’t see myself surviving. I thought of having a boyfriend but I don’t seem to get any maybe coz I’m no longer attractive or I look old. I’m only 30 y.o. I hope you can get me a male friend who is a Christian too and in a bad relationship like I am who can take me in and love me for who I am. I really want out, Please help me.
– Hellen, South Africa
Realize That You Have The Power To Change Things
When a person is in a bad relationship or a bad marriage for many years, they often end up feeling oppressed, down on themselves and have a huge lack of confidence. These are all things that will hinder you from changing the status quo.
You do have the power to change the status quo, if you want to. If you decide that you’d like a divorce, or that you’d like to leave the relationship, you might want to look into counseling before you do. A counselor can help you work through the bad feelings that come with ending a relationship or marriage, and they can help you learn to love yourself again and have faith in yourself to do what needs to be done. These are all things that will help make it easier for you when you do leave.
Do What It Takes
Many people will make excuses for staying in bad relationships and bad marriages. They will often say, “I don’t have a job” or “I have kids.” People who have done this before you had many different things that made it extremely difficult for them to leave, but they did it. They did what needed to be done, such as getting a job or finding a way to support their children on their own.
You can too! If you want to leave badly enough, you have the power to find a way. Take some time and do a little research. Find out what you need to be able to stand on your own two feet and then take the initiative to do it!
Some people are afraid to leave unless they have another relationship lined up, or someone to “rescue” them from the situation. If you wait for someone to rescue you, you’ll likely end up staying in your relationship or marriage forever! Going from one bad relationship to another is extremely unhealthy and you may end up worse off than you were before.
If you’re ending a marriage or relationship, especially one you’ve been in for many years, it’s important that you take time by yourself to understand what went wrong, what part you played, and to learn forgiveness. You need time by yourself to get to know yourself again!
Bottom line, you need to figure out if you’re ready to stay in this marriage and accept it for what it is or begin to move on and start your life over.
If you’re ready to do the latter, have faith in your ability to stand up for yourself and stand on your own two feet! You are a real person and can make things work if you have the drive and the initiative. If you find that you don’t have the self confidence or the trust in yourself to do what you need to do, don’t be afraid to get help!