Is My Girlfriend Using Me Or Is Her Love Real?

Usually it’s the other way around, but sometimes a man will be ready for a steady relationship and his girlfriend begins pulling away.

It can be confusing if you’ve started staying the night with your girlfriend or even taken the relationship to another level

when your girlfriend starts to pull away and act as though you and she are still in the beginning phase of the relationship.

What does it mean when a woman starts to pull away? What should you do if you’re ready for commitment and she’s not?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I started talking to this girl and we hooked up. Things escalated rather quickly and ended up with me staying with her. She dropped hints that she wasn’t actually ready for a relationship and while I was away on vacation, she told me to go back to my own place. We started hanging out again and then one day she asked me to stay the night. After that I have been staying there on and off. She is also dealing with a deep seated depression. She just started taking meds for it. The other day I noticed the change in her and now she is back to pushing me away. She is confusing me and I don’t know if I am wasting my time and she is just using me so she doesn’t have to feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

-DW, Tennessee

She Wants To Remain Casual. . .

So you and your girlfriend have gotten quite cozy recently. Perhaps you’ve been dating a few months or more and have started staying the night at each other’s apartments or houses. Maybe you even have your own toothbrush there.

Suddenly, your girlfriend begins to pull away. She stops asking you to come over as much and perhaps she finds excuses why she can’t come over to your house. She still seems interested in the relationship, but not at the level you were once at. She seems more interested in going back to the “dating” phase. Perhaps this has happened more than once. What does it mean?

Well, it might not mean anything other than your girlfriend isn’t ready for a steady relationship – and that’s okay! Try to talk to her openly and honestly without criticism. She may very well open up to you about why she has been shying away. Often, if she doesn’t cut things off completely, she’s still interested in you but may want to take things slow.

You really won’t know the absolute truth of what’s behind her shy behavior, however, until you talk to her. Just make sure that when you do, you’re respectful of her and her right to pull away if she wants. Don’t be judgmental or critical, or she might just shut down on you and you won’t get an answer either way.

What Do You Do?

Well, sometimes there’s nothing you can do. What your girlfriend wants is up to her, and truthfully, if you want to be with her you have to respect that. If you think your relationship has the potential to go somewhere in the future and you’d like it to, go ahead and take it slow and be casual for as long as she wants to. Take the time to get to know yourself and what you want in a relationship too.

If you’re ready for commitment and she isn’t, you need to make a decision if this is the person you really want to be with. You can’t make her commit to you and you can’t make her be more than casual.

You can, however, change what you do. Tell her honestly and without criticism that you want more than just a casual relationship. If she doesn’t want to take it to the next level, or has and keeps backing away, then move on to someone who will give you what you need.

Casual relationships aren’t necessarily bad and if your girlfriend suddenly decides she wants to back down and cool off from the relationship for awhile, it doesn’t always mean the relationship is doomed.

The best thing you can do is talk with her openly and share your feelings about the situation with each other. Neither of you are mind readers, so talk to each other about what’s going on if you want to get some answers.


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