I’m the jealous type. Big time. It affects everything. Friendships, relationships, you name it. I don’t want to be this way. What do I do?
What She Said:
It’s normal to feel pangs of jealousy, but it sounds like you’re suffering from more than an occasional twinge. The good news is that this problem is actually a great opportunity for you to examine your own life!
While you’re at it, be sure to show your friends some gratitude. They obviously love you and are supporting you while you go through this painful period.
What It Really Is
Jealousy is really an outgrowth of fear – fear there’s not enough to go around and that you won’t get a piece of what is available. It’s a belief in lack – lack of opportunity, money or love. Jealousy is also usually a sign that you’re not following your dreams. If you’re sated in your life, there’s no call for ill will when others are happy with theirs.
What makes you feel jealous when you get together with your friends? Is someone glowing because her love life is going swimmingly? Do you envy your pal’s promotion? Is someone raving about getting to decorate her new fab pad? Whatever it may be, note it – these are your triggers, as well as your clues.
Using A Journal
Start to journal after you meet with your friends. Notice what makes you cringe. Now sit back and go over this list. These are the things most likely missing from your life. There’s an easy fix – now that you know what’s bumming you out, you can take control and start working on getting these things for yourself. There’s actually more than enough to go around! Celebrate with (and for) your friends, knowing that you can (and will) have a wonderful life as well. Once you take chances and create a fuller life for yourself, odds are that you can vanquish that painful feeling.
What He Said:
Focus on what you do have, and not what you don’t. If you don’t have a lover, partner, or anyone to have sex with, go out and get one! Don’t hang around your house moping over not having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Why would you continue to devote time and energy to perpetuating a cycle that gets you a huge serving of deep fried nothing? Where’s the upside in that? (Stop looking, grasshopper. I’ll save you the trip. You can’t find it. Because it doesn’t exist. Yeah, I know. Shocker. In other news, water is wet. Film at 11.)
The next step is to realize that your current pattern isn’t helping. Life isn’t about what’s fair, it’s about what works. Why would you keep doing something that isn’t working? No real reason. It’s just a habit, and you’re in it.
Breaking The Habit
The next step is to realize that this is a habit that you created and you can break. So break it. It may be a bit uncomfortable at first, but realize that you can break it and it will happen if you are dedicated and consistent on your path. If nothing else, just start by doing the exact opposite of what you normally would. That will help enormously.
Give yourself permission to move into this new space because your success is guaranteed if you don’t quit and continue to do the work. Enjoy!