Long distance relationships can be tough – especially if you’ve been together for awhile but have recently become long distance. What do you do when you have to choose between your current life or giving it all up to be with your partner?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I moved in with my boyfriend but missed my parents sooo much that I moved out to be closer to them. I hoped my boyfriend would join me, but it’s been 8 months and he’s still not here! I’m not sure what to do. Should I stay close to my parents or move back with my boyfriend?
Cut The Cord
If your parents are playing a part in your long distance relationship – meaning, you haven’t moved to be with your partner because you’re afraid your parents might disapprove – it’s time to cut the cord. It’s important to separate what you want from what your parents want and decide what’s best for you – not what’s best for your parents. Take some time to really consider what you want out of your relationship and what you’re willing to do for it, aside from what your parents think or don’t think. It’s essential that you make this big life decision without their influence – it’s your life, remember?
Why Won’t They Move To Be With Me?
You might be questioning why your partner hasn’t moved to be with you or isn’t planning to – they may be content with the long distance relationship as is, or they may not be ready to move and leave their job and their current life. They also may be wanting to avoid letting you have the “power” when it comes to who will relocate to be with the other, or they may not want to be as involved with your parents. It’s important to sit down and discuss these issues with your partner, because if you don’t, nothing will get solved! If you’ve bought a house, or have secured a great career, it’s important to let your partner know about these things so they can decide how that weighs in with their job and their current living situation. Talk to your partner and go through several “mock” scenarios, talking about what would happen if you moved, or what would happen if they moved. You’re more likely to find a compromise if you and your partner talk things out together rather than just waiting for the other to start getting ready to move.
What Do You Want?
In the end, this situation is about what you want. It’s important to really think about your relationship and what you want out of it, as well as what you want out of life. Does your relationship satisfy you? Do you love the person you’re with? Or are you not sure whether this relationship is worth moving for? Ask yourself these questions to dig deep and really find out what you want, instead of letting it all slide by until you are forced to deal with the situation after it’s already become exacerbated.
If you’re really stuck trying to make a decision, talk to a therapist or someone else outside of the situation that can offer good, unbiased advice. Meanwhile, stay close to your partner through phone calls, emails, web chatting and web cams. If you’re planning on being with your partner eventually – regardless of who moves – it’s important to nurture your relationship and give and receive love in the meantime!