A pregnant girlfriend is one thing, but what about being with a girl who is pregnant by someone else? Are you supposed to be in a relationship with her and take care of the baby because no one else will, or can you decide that you’re not ready for this and move on? What do you do?
Question: First off, let me say I love you two! But I’m in a hard situation. A very good friend of mine is pregnant (by accident, old story of condom in the wallet) and she opened up to me and said she starting to love me and wished that the baby was mine! I’m not really sure how I feel about her. Any advice? And again I love you two, great advice!
What Are You Okay With?
Before you think of how your friend will feel, or how the baby might feel, or how anyone else will, you need to think about how YOU feel about the situation. Take some time outside of the situation to mull it over and think about the different possibilities here and how they might affect your life or the way you live. What are you okay with? What are you willing to be okay with? Tell your friend you need some time out to think about the situation – you at least deserve that.
Do You Want To Take Care Of Her And The Baby?
When you sit down and really take stock of the situation and how you feel about it, there might be a feeling of guilt or responsibility to take care of your friend and the baby. This is going to be especially true if you have at least some romantic feelings towards her, or care about her and your friendship very deeply. Stop right there!
Remember that you didn’t get her pregnant and you’re not responsible for the situation at hand. Yes, you can decide that you want the responsibility and that’s great – but remember that you don’t have to. Don’t guilt yourself into taking care of her and the baby because you feel obligated to. That’s not going to end very well. Make sure that if you do end up getting into a relationship with your friend and being a father figure to the baby that it’s really something you want to do – not something that you feel like you have to do because no one else will.
What If You Don’t?
If you decide that you don’t want to be with a girl who is pregnant (or if you don’t want to be with her), and you don’t want to take care of a baby once it’s born, that’s completely your prerogative. Remember, you didn’t get her pregnant! Don’t let anyone pass judgement on you and certainly don’t feel like you have to pass judgement on yourself. This is totally your call, and it’s perfectly fine to decide that this isn’t where you want your life to go right now. You don’t owe her anything.
Be Honest With Her
It’s your right to decide to do whatever you want to do in this situation, but you do need to be honest with her and truthful about how you feel. Yes, you do need to be delicate here, but honesty is the most important thing. If you decide not to be with her, explain to her why you feel this way and make sure the conversation stays limited to how you feel.
If you stick to your feelings about the situation, she can’t argue with it. However, if you present an entire list of logical reasons as to why a relationship between the two of you couldn’t work, she can argue with it – and she can probably make some pretty valid points. Remember that the choice to be with her or not was based on your feelings (not logic), so your explanation should too.
Give It A Trial Run
If you’re not sure about it, why not give it a try? Try being in a relationship with this girl and seeing how it develops. Talk to her about your idea to try it out, and make sure that she knows you have the right to decide that it’s not for you at any point in time. This also gives her the opportunity to try out a relationship with you without the commitment to be with you for a certain period of time or even be with you when the baby arrives. Don’t think that if you try it now that you’re stuck forever. Let it play out and see what happens!