Help! My Girlfriend Says She Wants A Sex Change!

Relationship advice covers the gamut of issues in a partnership, but some questions you just can’t find answers for. What if your partner wants a sex change?

My girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship. Our communication is great! We’re totally open and honest about everything. She kind of dropped a bomb . She feels like a guy in a girl’s body. She’s talking about becoming flat chested, and actually having the surgery. I have no idea how to deal with this. What should I do? I really need some relationship advice!

–YouTube Viewer

What should you do? Besides run for the hills?

Seriously though, this is a simple question with no simple answer. This is super complex. The real question is: is this the relationship you want? If yes or no, the answer’s totally okay. If you’re not into this, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Ask Yourself Some Questions First

This is one of those things to REALLY think through before you do or say anything about it. Seek relationship advice from trusted people, but also really dig deep within yourself. Is she serious? Is it a joke? Has she been dropping “manly” hints? Is this just a way for her to express her dominant, more masculine side? Maybe this is something a little strap on play could cure? Would that scratch her itch? We all have masculine and feminine elements to our personality, regardless of our gender.

It’s a yin and yang sort of thing. Maybe her yang or her yin are out of whack and she needs to get them balanced. If so, we have two words for you: strap on. And no, it doesn’t make you gay if you left your girlfriend have anal sex with you via a strap on. But it will make you sore for a few days (at least the first time) so be sure to use lots and lots of lube.

A lot of people say things, but does that mean they’re going to do it? Usually no. So just because she said this to you, doesn’t mean you necessarily have anything to worry about. At least not yet. There’s really only one way and one way alone to find out for sure.

Talking To Her

Don’t be critical, be honest and open. If you’re not interested in being in that relationship, say so. This is a pretty serious and profound issue and not everyone is going to be okay with their partner changing genders on them. Have an open and honest conversation about this, one free of judgement or labels or anything that could ruffle feathers or rub either party the wrong way. Discussing any issue with your partner open and honestly without criticism is probably the best relationship advice you’re ever going to get.

What do you do? Nothing. Wait and see. Find out if she’s serious. If she is, you’ll know. Most people talk and talk and talk and talk about doing things, but few people ever actually do them. How many overweight people do you know who talk about losing weight in January who are actually slimmer in December? Not that many.

Most people are all talk and no action when it comes to losing weight and that doesn’t involve surgery to their genitals! Imagine what the completion rate is on people who talk about sex changes versus the people who actually go through with it? It’s probably really, really super small. So you can most likely breathe easy.

If She Really Wants To Do It

If she continues to talk about this subject and continues to express interest in a sex change, it’s not going to be so easy to brush it off. If you come to a point through conversations with her, listening to her and observing her behavior that you believe she’s really serious about it, it’s time for you to sit down and think seriously about it.

Think about whether you are okay with this – and it’s perfectly fine if you’re not. It’s also perfectly fine if you are. Really sit down and think about what YOU want and how YOUR life will be affected by this. Disregard any thoughts that come up about how other people (like your family and friends) may react to this. that should not weigh in your decision at ALL. You may surprise yourself on how you feel about it. Then again, you might not.

If you decide to move on from this relationship, don’t give yourself a hard time. A lot of guys would. Explain to her the truth without criticism and after the break up, wish her well on her journey of self discovery. If you decide to be with her, then fine. Just don’t throw it up in her (or his) face later. Accept it or don’t – there’s not really a grey area here.


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