“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects.” ~ Albert Einstein
Some of us spend too many weeks, months, even years chasing unrequited love. Man, it can hurt so good to love so deeply one who will not and cannot return the favor! It isn’t a masochist’s dream, but it sure can become a favorite bone to chew on so that life doesn’t feel so darn lonely. Songs about it are sung, stories about it are written, and therapists’ couches are private spaces for it. There is a better way.
What Exactly Is Unrequited Love?
Unrequited love is what happens when he or she just isn’t that into you but you have feelings you cannot deny. The human heart is capable of loving those who are incapable of returning even feelings of “like” much less real love. The heart will love even those who neglect it and abuse it. So, loving someone who cannot love you back not only can feel kind of good, it can feel necessary. The love you feel for anyone can become something you cannot live without, even if they do not and never will love you back.
Oh, and if the person you love so deeply is a friend, it becomes even more complicated! Because they do genuinely like and love you, they just don’t love you “in that way,” you can conjure up the juice to love them for all eternity. As long as you don’t do or say anything that makes them exit your life in order to protect themselves; as your friend, he or she is always available. If you get to the point of processing your feelings about this person with this person, then you have these intimate conversations that, even though they produce nothing more than more pain, the intimacy feeds your feelings for him or her. You leave these conversations convinced that if you can just be there for them and love them as much they will let you, then one fine day, he or she will look at you anew and fall head-over-heels in love with you, regretting all the time lost till now!
Something Better Than Unrequited Love
Unrequited love can fill all the free and empty spaces in your life while you are waiting for the real thing to come along. That is one reason people refuse to let the love object go. A much better, honorable, deserving candidate for all that love is you, yourself. In addition to that, focusing your attention on what would be the ideal romantic relationship for you, on the perfect love of your life, how it all would look and feel and taste like; this level of dreaming and planning for the love of your life showing up is a more beneficial expression of your romantic love than sinking deeper into unrequited love.
One of the things you can do to turn your attention to loving yourself and preparing for the love of your life to come along is read self-help relationship books. These books can be even more helpful before you get into a romantic relationship because you have the freedom to read them without prejudice. You also have the opportunity to use them to fire your imagination with specific details about what you want your next romantic relationship to be like. It is the Law of Attraction in that what you put your attention on grows. If you put your attention on how richly painful it is to love someone who doesn’t love you back, you will get more of the same. Conversely, if you put your attention on the kind of relationship you will create with the love of your life, you will attract that.
Getting Into The Relationship Groove Outside Of A Relationship
Another thing you can do is use dating to practice the behaviors self-help relationship books teach. Particularly paying attention to those that outline the differences between men and women, as a man you can practice being the man with the women you date, or as a woman you can practice being the receptive feminine with the men you date. He or she doesn’t have to be the love of your life in order for you to practice how you plan to be with the love of your life. Even among your friends, you can practice listening skills and being present skills that will benefit you tremendously when the day comes along where you not only fall in love, but the recipient of your affection falls in love with you too!
The more attention you put on loving yourself and preparing for that big, powerful romance coming along, both your daytime dreaming and night time dreaming will move in alignment with you to support what you are attracting! Instead of your thoughts drifting to your unrequited love, they will naturally drift to imagining things like what the perfect Sunday spent with your love will look like. Nighttime dreams, if you remember them, will begin to sort through the debris left by the unrequited love so that you have more space and energy inside for creating something whole, balanced, and full of passion with a real prospect for finding someone to spend the rest of your life with!
Albert Einstein’s quote above, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or objects,” inspired this article. When it comes to relationships, it can be very hard advice to follow because it can feel impossible to refrain from tying your happiness to another person. But when the goal is a beautiful romance because you are worth it, the thinking and action steps that follow give you a happy life even as you attract the love of your life.