There is a beautiful little town just south of where I live. It has peaceful, quiet, tree-lined streets with beautiful homes both old and new. It is the perfect example of small town America, a place where many of us dream of raising our children, a place that we think of as being safe.
Last Sunday, the peace in this beautiful little town was shattered. A few miles north, people in the larger city were also shaken to the core. A senseless and painful crime took place.
A beautiful young mother was walking into church with her own mother when her estranged husband drove up, got out of the car, pulled out a gun and shot her repeatedly. She died instantly.
It was her 30th birthday.
Her estranged husband senselessly took one life and essentially ruined or destroyed 3 other lives, not to mention shattering the peace of mind of the other churchgoers and the tranquility of the town. Two small boys are now in the State Protective Services and the husband himself is incarcerated in the county jail awaiting charges on capital murder.
Why did this senseless act of violence take place? What could have been the motive to inflict so much pain?
Apparently the couple had separated and the wife was planning to file for divorce.
He couldn’t make her stay. He couldn’t force her to love him. He couldn’t control her. So rather than accept that fact and allow them both to move on to a brighter future, he took her life, destroyed his own life and essentially left his two young sons orphaned. Those boys lost both of their parents that day. Their young lives will forever feel the effect of that lingering pain from the senseless violence of that day.
Co-Create a Great Relationship
This is, of course, an extreme example. This is one of the worst things that can happen. But there are many dysfunctional relationships where one party tries to control the other party. One person within the relationship decides that they know what is best for both parties, that what they say is the most important and that they are the only ones qualified to make decisions for the relationship.
It doesn’t work. No one can create a great relationship by trying to control.
No one can create in another’s life. We can only create within our own life and our own minds. We are only responsible for ourselves. Our mates are only responsible for themselves. You can’t change another person, no matter how hard you try, you can only change yourself.
The best, happiest and strongest relationships consist of two happy individuals coming together for the purpose of co-creating a great life. There are no bosses, no dictators, no controllers, just two powerful creators working together to create the lives they both want. They do not have to agree on everything. Both parties are allowed to think for themselves and decisions are made together for good or for bad.
The best relationships allow each partner to be who they really are and to become the best they can be within a safe haven of Love and Respect.
Trying to control another is futile.
Are you too controlling? Check out this insightful quiz from Deepak Chopra and Green living.