As the big day approaches, it’s easy to lose perspective and go into meltdown mode…
1. Remember that Valentine’s Day is ONE day out of a whole 365 days!
If you’re attached, keep yourself grounded in this reality and avoid making Valentine’s the tipping point of your relationship.
If you’re single, much as it might seem like the entire universe is celebrating their love on the 14th, they aren’t, and you can’t let your whole emotional world collapse. Love is something to be celebrated all year round.
2. Manage your expectations but most importantly communicate them.
Are you expecting the sun, moon, and the stars even though you’ve only been in your relationship for a short period of time? Does your partner dislike Valentine’s day and hasn’t previously lived up to your expectations?
I’m not suggesting that you remove the element of surprise or spontaneity, but if you’re the type of person that is likely to feel very disappointed if the day isn’t what you expect, it’s time to discuss your expectations so that you can 1) find out if they are realistic, 2) share your thoughts with your partner, and 3) free the both of you to have a day that you can enjoy.
3. Do not create drama or get stressed about it.
It’s supposed to be a celebration of love but it is very easy to ruin the lead up to it or the actual day.
Whether you are the type of person that resents Valentine’s day and feels inadvertently pressured by your partner or the commerciality of it, or whether you’re that person who lives for Valentine’s day and expects a big gesture, if the person you are with is at conflict with your outlook, you will find yourself in the very unpleasant drama zone.
4. Remember that you’ve saved some money and been spared the pain of scratchy underwear and other such tacky gifts.
It can be quite difficult to come up with something original and inspired for Valentine’s day and there aren’t many of us who haven’t had love dice, love cheques, cheap flowers from the petrol/gas station, furry handcuffs etc, never mind paying over the odds to be packed like sardines into a restaurant with a set menu.
It’s not about throwing the cash around if you are attached, and if you aren’t, pat the extra cash, or treat yourself to something nice.
5. Don’t go on a first date.
There is a lot of expectations and unnecessary pressure when you have a first date on Valentine’s. Be very careful of knee-jerking into a new relationship as we make some of our worst decisions when we’re insecure and desperate to avoid singledom.
6. If you’re single, embrace the day and spend it with those that you love most.
Some of my best night outs have been when I’ve been single on Valentine’s. If you’re not the type that can let the day pass without feeling a bit anxious, hang with your other single friends,
7. No drink dialing.
Do you want to wake up on the 15th with a banging headache and regrets that you’ve made a fool out of yourself calling your ex, or even worse, you’ve slept with them? No matter how horny or sentimental you get, wait till the next day to see if you still feel the same when you’re sober.
8. Don’t seek validation from the day.
If your relationship has issues, gritting your teeth and eeking all of the sentiment out of the day is going to be the equivalent of papering over the cracks of your relationship. Don’t rely on this day to make your relationship but certainly don’t use it as the sole reason to break your relationship either. Likewise if you’re single, don’t think that the absence of a mate or a date invalidates you.
9. Valentine’s day extends to self-love.
As Luther Vandross said “Love the one you’re with” and this time, that’s YOU. V-day spells a great time to evaluate where you are and what you want out of life and your relationships. If there is any overhang from the past, start to deal with it and get happy before you throw yourself back in the dating saddle.
10. Make an effort and small gestures all year round.
If you do this, Valentine’s day won’t feel like guzzling water for the first time after being lost in the desert for a year…