Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques

Anal sex is very erotic for many people, both men and women. There are many nerve endings in the rectum, particularly around the opening of the anus, that a lot of people find pleasurable when stimulated. Men often love the super tightness of a woman’s anus. Anal play – whether you’re having anal sex or using a toy or your fingers – can be intensely intimate.  The taboo of enjoying a so-called ‘prohibited’ activity with your partner can be super exciting and just what you need to turn up the heat in your sex life! There are, however, a few guidelines that should be followed for anal sex to make both you and your partner safe and comfortable!

Don’t Skimp On The Lube

The anus does not naturally lubricate itself at all, therefore, it is an absolute must to use a good water based or silicone based lubricant during anal sex. While you don’t want to use silicone based lube in the vagina because it’s difficult to clean out, silicone lube will get flushed out with everything else when you go to the bathroom so feel free to use it for anal sex. Don’t ever attempt to have anal sex without lube, because you could easily tear something on the outside or even the inside, which would require a not so fun trip to the hospital. Also, do not use numbing or desensitizing lubricant, because if it hurts, you need to feel it and you need to stop! Just use lots and lots of regular water or silicone based lube for any kind of anal play.

Learn To Relax!

If you’re not able to relax when you have anal sex, you’re going to find it very uncomfortable or painful. Practice relaxing your anus around a small anal sex toy or a finger and work your way up to the bigger stuff. You certainly can’t expect yourself to accomodate a large sex toy or penis if you’ve never tried anal sex before, but if you learn to relax during anal play, you’ll gradually get to where you can take more and enjoy more.

Keep Things Clean

Since going through the backdoor will potentially (probably) get you at least a little dirty, it’s very important to keep things clean. Clean any and all sex toys used for anal play with hot, soapy water or special sex toy cleaner and wear a condom when inserting the penis into the anus. Wearing a condom during anal sex will allow you to slip it off and go straight to vaginal sex without worrying about bacteria spreading. If you don’t want to wear a condom during anal sex, you will need to wash your penis thoroughly with warm, soapy water. Neglecting to keep things clean during sex will increase the risk of spreading bacteria and giving your partner an infection.

Warm Up And Get Turned On First

Just like with sex, if you want to have good anal sex, it’s important to have a little foreplay first and get turned on before you start. Giving yourself a warm up period will help you relax and help get you turned on so that you’re more ready for anal play. If you’re not turned on before you receive anal sex, you’re anus is going to be clamped tight and you’ll find that anal play is going to be more uncomfortable and painful than if you allow yourself a good warm up period first. Try having your partner give you oral sex first and even a rim job if you both like it.

Go Slowly And Be Gentle

Anal sex is not the time to be rough or practice BDSM. Since the anus is basically made for things to come out of, you have to be very careful when putting things in there. Go slowly and be very careful not to be too rough, even if you’re extremely turned on by having anal sex. Communicate with your partner about whether it feels good or it hurts too much, and if it hurts make sure you stop right away. Have a safe word that your partner can use to let you know that she wants it to stop immediately, such as “banana” or another non-sex word. Remember that your first time having anal sex doesn’t have to last very long or be perfect. There’s always another time! The important thing is to make sure your partner is comfortable and having a good time too.

Safe Anal Sex Toys

If you’re going to use anal sex toys, it’s important that you purchase toys that are specifically made for anal sex. Many sex toys that are for vaginal use or even homemade sex toys can get lost in your anus because there is no “end” like with a vagina. Getting a sex toy lost in your anus is not only extremely painful and dangerous, it is also very embarassing because it will require a doctor and most likely surgery to remove it. Instead, choose anal sex toys that have a wide, flared base or ring on the bottom that keeps the toy from sliding too far into the anus.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

While almost any sex position can be used for anal sex, there are some sex positions that are better for anal sex because they allow for easier access. The missionary position with the girl on bottom and her legs lifted high allows for great access to the anus, as does the doggy style position. You can also try the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing her partner’s feet, or you can try spooning with your partner behind you. The sex postion doesn’t matter as much as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and having fun!


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