Is It Normal For a Virgin to Be Into BDSM?

As a virgin, it’s normal to find yourself turned on and sexually excited by many things, even if you’ve never actually had sexual intercourse.

What turns you on is going to be different from what turns someone else on, and it’s important to embrace diversity and celebrate your uniqueness!

Is there ever a point where something that turns you on would not be considered normal, especially if you’re a virgin?

Well, yes and no.  It’s a complicated situation that needs a hard, honest look.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I found your website on YouTube. I think I am into BDSM or there may be something wrong with me.  I believe I am more Sadistic than Masochistic though and I am still a virgin as is my boyfriend.  He likes to be clawed and chained (yet to let me do that though) and when I scream in pain because I got hurt or something he gets a little excited.  I have clawed him so bad I took chunks of skin out of his hips and when he screamed in pain I laughed at him.

The idea of burning, whipping, tying down, flogging, wrist/handcuffing, caging, and torturing him sounds fun.  Is there something wrong with me?

Is it possible for a virgin to be into BDSM like this?

- Barbara,  Missouri

Virgin Into BDSM

BDSM often refers to fetishes in general, although many use it to refer to the old S&M or sadism and masochism.  Some people find themselves turned on by being possessive and powerful or submissive and this is usually completely natural.

Do you enjoy pain?  Many people do. Why else are tattoos, piercings and other body modifications so popular?  Lots of people enjoy receiving pain and even giving it, and it’s nothing new to interpret BDSM sexually, even if you are a virgin.  There is no law that says that if you’ve never had sex that you can’t enjoy giving and receiving pain and being turned on by it sexually.  It’s the same for young men that are turned on by their parent’s Playboy magazines. It is simply what turns you on.

Can you ever go too far?

It’s important to look at what is “too far” for you.  If you’re adamant about staying a virgin, than yes, having sexual intercourse would be “too far.”  You need to examine your beliefs and morals on your own and really look at them to determine what would be too far for you and your partner.

That said, with BDSM, it is possible to go too far with the giving and receiving of pain.  Are you and your partner getting hurt?  Are you engaging in dangerous activity that could cause infections or transmitted diseases?  If so, you may want to look at toning it down a notch, especially if anything that you and your partner are doing is illegal.  If you’re simply looking to put a little kink into your relationship, there’s generally no harm in that.

Are you normal?

Normal, by definition, is something that doesn’t really exist in humanity.  Everyone is different.  If your attraction to BDSM and fetishes feels normal to you, you most likely don’t have anything to worry about, especially if you and your partner’s actions aren’t hurting anyone.

If you find yourself really looking to hurt your partner, hurt yourself or hurt other people and you feel as though something is wrong with you, don’t be afraid to get help.  Seek counseling in an atmosphere where you won’t feel judged.

Overall, most inclinations towards BDSM are normal and perfectly healthy, even if you are a virgin.  If you do find yourself hurting your partner or allowing your partner to hurt you, it is important to stop and perhaps tone it down.  Nobody needs to get hurt to have a some good, old fashioned S&M fun.

Remember play it safe!  Have a code word that you or your partner can use if things get too rough.  Once the code word is said, everything stops.  If what you’re doing is safe and appealing to you, just have a good time and don’t worry about it!


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