How To Introduce Her To Kinky Sex

Kinky sex can be lots of fun, but some girls have never tried it. Getting your lover into kinky sex isn’t difficult, but you want to approach it the right way.

The fashion of the more risqué among us has spilled out into everyday culture, with corsets and leather collars becoming almost mainstream. Having said that, most of my clients and friends are curious but aren’t sure how to incorporate a bit of ‘spice’ to their sex lives, even though we’re surrounded by sexy messages on a daily basis.

The Recipe

There are a variety of things to try when it comes to getting frisky with your partner: spanking, bondage, role-playing, or sensation play (like hot wax or ice cubes) are just a few. But the biggest difficulty isn’t in deciding what to do, but rather, how to broach it with your partner. Even if you’ve been together for a long time and trust each other, it’s a scary thing to suggest something new that may not go over well.

Before you broach the subject, applaud yourself for connecting with your sexual being and learning more about what turns you on. In today’s society, that’s a challenging thing in and of itself. Once you’ve patted yourself on the back, try these ideas to get going:

Talk It Out

You don’t need to make the conversation into ‘The Talk’ by blurting out you need to tell her some big secret. Instead, go about it gently, from a different angle. Share what turns you on with your partner on a regular basis. Tell her what makes you hot, and what it is she does that makes you dizzy with arousal. By chatting about sex more frequently, you’ll open the lines of communication so that when you are ready to take another step, you’ll feel more comfortable and at ease.

Dirty Minds Think Alike

Write down the craziest, funniest, sexiest things you’ve heard of, and then draw lines down the page for several categories, like “never in a million years,” or “maybe with some prodding,” or even “I’ve never thought of it, but sure, I’ll try it.” This is a fun game to discover lots of sexual interests you never knew you shared.

Media Sharing

Pick a storyline that explores something you’re curious about sharing with your partner, and be observant of her reaction. Sometimes it’s easier to broach the subject when it’s not coming right at you, and then you can discuss what you thought was hot, and a total turn off, in turn.

Create A Safeword

When folks in the kink community negotiate a spicy interaction, they create a safeword to be shared amongst the participants. Basically, a safeword is something that you wouldn’t normally say in a sexual encounter such as “purple elephant” that tells your partner you need to stop. Some folks just use colors to explain what they are feeling, such as red for stop and yellow for go slower or more gently please.

Start With Baby Steps

Even if what you have in mind is a huge production, and you’ve played out every variation for more than a decade in your mind, you don’t want to start with the whole shebang right away. Start simply, with just one aspect of the concept that gets you going. See how you both feel after, and then decide if you want to do it again, try something different, or incorporate more of the sexual fantasy into your playtime.


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