Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun

BDSM and rape fantasies can be fun when no one gets hurt. Real rape is no joke – if you want to engage in this type of fantasy, it needs to be between consenting adults who are comfortable with pushing the boundaries. Here’s how to indulge in your BDSM fantasy without going too far.

Question: Hey guys, I am a BDSM master. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about rape fantasy sex with their partner. I’ve told them, just like an BDSM act, it has to be discussed beforehand and have a safe word chosen. Would you please do a video on this subject? Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

What Is A Rape Fantasy?

A rape fantasy, in the right context, is actually just a domination/submission role play game. Some people enjoy being dominant over their partners while others enjoy being submissive. When you have a couple where one partner wants to dominate the other and the other enjoys being dominated, you can have a lot of fun with BDSM play.

Domination and submission is actually incredibly popular, although a lot of it stays underground for fear of being judged on sexual preferences. Rape is forced sex, and a rape fantasy is where you pretend to force someone to have sex or pretend that you’re being forced to have sex. It can be fun and enjoyable if it’s under the right circumstances and safe for everyone involved.

Communicate With Your Partner

While communication during sex is important no matter what you’re doing, it becomes essential when you’re doing something that is so far towards the edge of what is okay and what isn’t okay. You want to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about what crosses the line and what doesn’t, because if the line is crossed, someone can get hurt, even if neither partner meant for it to happen.

Talk to your partner about what is okay and how far you can go, while also discussing where you don’t want to go and how far is too far. Talk about it beforehand – don’t wait until you’re doing it to say “Hey, I’m not sure I like that.” You and your partner both need to know exactly what you can do and what you can’t do before you ever get started. This is one of those situations where you don’t push the envelope past what you and your lover previously agreed to.

Also, make sure you’re with someone you trust. You don’t want to be acting out a BDSM rape fantasy with someone you just met at a club – because it very well could turn into real rape or you could get hurt. Make sure you and your lover both know and trust each other well before engaging in any activity of this nature.

Come Up With A Safe Word And Gesture

During any BDSM act, it is important to have a safe word or gesture prepared in case one partner wants the play to stop immediately. If it hurts, or you’re getting scared and just aren’t into it anymore, it’s important that you have a word you can say that lets your lover know that all play needs to stop right then and there. A safe word is something you don’t say very often, especially not in the bedroom.

“Stop!” or “No, don’t, that hurts!” are very bad safe words, because for doms and subs, this type of language is actually erotic. A safe word can be anything like, “purple pony,” “fried tomatoes,” or “Troy Aikman” – anything that you wouldn’t normally use in a sexual conversation is perfect. That way, your partner knows you want to stop ASAP.

A safe gesture is also a good thing to decide on before trying out a rape fantasy, especially if you and your partner enjoy using gags of any kind. A gag will prevent someone from speaking, so although they may be shouting “purple pony!” to try to get you to stop, it may only come out as gargled moans – which can be erotic if you’re a dom. So choose a safe gesture as well. It could be flipping the bird or the Vulcan salute – anything that can’t be confused with random movement of the hands. If your partner sees you make the gesture, they need to stop immediately, just as they would with a safe word.

How Do You Get Started With A Rape Fantasy?

Even if you’re experienced in the world of BDSM, it’s generally not a good idea to jump right into a rape fantasy. This is definitely something you want to start slow with, and work your way up. Start with some light domination, or a little bit of bondage and then gradually work your way up to more bondage and restraint, while adding in sexual language that is suggestive of pretend forced sex. You can also find your boundaries this way – going slow and working your way up to bigger things will allow you to find out if you’re comfortable with something or not before really diving head first into it.

What To Do If It Goes Too Far

Even though you’re just pretending, it can be really easy for a rape fantasy to go too far, too quickly. Don’t ever be afraid to use your safe word or gesture, and don’t be afraid to stop. Don’t think that your partner likes it so you should keep going – if YOU don’t like it or it’s hurting YOU, it’s important that you stop the play right away! You can always try again later if you really want to.

If your partner uses the safe word, make sure you’re the one stopping. That’s where trust comes in during BDSM and rape fantasies – you have to trust that your partner will stop immediately if the safe word is used and your partner has to trust that you’ll do the very same.

Real Rape Is No Joke

Although it’s perfectly fine to enact rape fantasies and play pretend when you’re with a partner you trust, real rape is not a joke! It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, gay, straight, male or female – if you’re forcing someone else to have sex or sexual contact against their will, it is rape! If you have fantasies or feelings about actually raping someone against their will, talk to a counselor. Seek help, because these are not safe or natural feelings to have. You could hurt yourself or someone else, and get in a lot of trouble in the process. If you’ve flirted with the idea of actually raping someone, talk to a counselor right away!


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