Sex Tips: I Like Kinky Sex But He Doesn’t – How Can I Get Him To Try It?

Lots of people like kinky sex, but lots of people don’t. If you really enjoy kinky sex but your partner isn’t into it, you’re probably wondering how you can convince them to just give it a try. There are ways you can soften your partner up to what you like in bed, but you also have to keep some things in mind, like respecting your partner’s boundaries. Here’s what you want to know about getting your partner out of his vanilla sex “funk” and into the world of kink.

Question: I like kinky sex but he doesn’t. How can I get him to maybe try it?

–YouTube Viewer

Kinky Sex Is All About Perspective

What is kinky to some is completely benign to others, so keep that in mind when trying to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to kinky sex. For example, some people may think that simply having sex with the lights on is super kinky, while others delve deep into kink with lots of bondage and BDSM. Think about what you are wanting your partner to try and what they’ve tried before – is there a big difference between the two? Are you wanting him to try sex with a strap on when all he’s ever done is light bondage? If this is the case, think about toning down your idea of kink to better match what he’s tried already so you’re not too outside of his comfort zone.

Respect His Boundaries

Everyone has their boundaries when it comes to kinky sex, and it’s important for two people in a relationship to respect those boundaries. You may be very into kink, but there is someone somewhere out there that is probably into doing some things that you definitely wouldn’t be comfortable with. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who wanted to push your boundaries and try to convince you to do something that made you really uncomfortable – you definitely wouldn’t appreciate it and it would probably do harm to the relationship. So think about the situation in reverse. You may think your idea of “kink” is ok, but your partner may not. It all goes back to each person’s perspective – there is no “standard guideline” for what is ok and what isn’t. It all depends on the person and where their boundaries are. So it’s definitely important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid pushing him too far past them. If you push them too hard to try kinky sex, they may run the other way.

Finding The Right Approach

How you approach the topic with your partner is critical to whether or not they will actually be open to trying what you want them to try. Talk to him about how to spice up your sex life is important, but doing it at the right time and in the right way will make the most difference. Don’t try to talk to him about it while you’re having sex, right before you have sex or even right after. Get it? Have the conversation completely outside of the bedroom, at a time when you’re both relaxed and enjoying spending time together. Avoid being critical of your partner at all costs – this is not a “Why won’t you do this, there’s nothing wrong with it” conversation. If he even smells a hint of criticism in your words, he will lock up and probably won’t hear a word that you say. Instead, approach the topic by letting him know how much a particular activity turns you on and how much it turns you on to imagine doing it with them.

Modify Your Kink

So you want to try tying him to a chair and having your way with him – but he’s never so much as tried light bondage before. Consider modifying whatever you want to try a little bit and tone it down. This may make him more comfortable with trying it and you can eventually work your way up to heavy bondage and BDSM by taking baby steps to get there. Remember that kinky sex is again, all about perspective, and you’ll have a better chance of getting your partner to try something different if you make it a little more benign. Instead of going all out with handcuffs and rope (if bondage is your thing), try simply tying his wrists with a scarf or silk necktie. He will be more open to it if it seems really harmless – and then trying something else even more kinky won’t seem so bad!


Related Articles

read more articles on Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies