When kissing your lover, you may want to move on to some heavy petting but he may not seem ready to – at least, on the surface. Is it because he really doesn’t want to go that far or because he’s afraid he’s going to touch you the wrong way and upset you for going too far? Chances are, it’s the latter. Here’s how to get him to try a little foreplay while you’re making out!
Question: I want my boyfriend to touch me more when we’re making out. Can you help me on how to encourage that?
Is He Afraid To Make The First Move?
A lot of guys – especially guys who have been in relationships before – have been chastised for doing something wrong or touching a woman in the wrong way while making out or using foreplay. He may be unsure where to touch you or how you like to be touched, so he may just be afraid to make the first move in fear of doing something wrong or touching you in a way that might offend you or turn you off.
If you think he’s afraid to make the first move, try talking to him about it when you’re not making out, such as over lunch or a romantic dinner. Let him know without criticizing him that you love kissing him and making out with him, but you would love it even more if you could feel his hands on your body. Be sure to let him know how far is too far though – if you’re not ready for sex, let him know where you’re going to draw the line. It will only make things worse if you give him the go ahead to touch you while you’re kissing each other but you have to reprimand him as soon as he goes “too far.” Make sure he knows ahead of time what is okay and what makes you uncomfortable.
Gently Guide Him Verbally
When you’re in the moment, it’s super sexy to whisper into your lover’s ear what you’d like him to do next. Guys really love this for two reasons – because your hot breath in his ear turns him on and because your guidance means that he doesn’t have to guess at what to do and when to do it. This will help him to learn what you like and when you like it, because a lot of guys (actually, most guys) aren’t sure when to move forward because they just don’t want to cross that line without the go-ahead from you.
This is also a great time to introduce dirty talk! Guys love dirty talk and it’s a great way to really heat things up while you’re making out. Tell your partner in a sexy way what you want him to do – such as saying, “I love it when you pinch my nipples” or “I’d like you to touch my ____.” Also include descriptive words such as “hard, soft, slow, etc.” that not only lets him know where to make his next move, but also how you’d like it. This gives him confidence to actually make the moves, because he’s not scared he’s going to do something that will upset you or turn you off.
Give Him Positive Reinforcement
When he does something that you really enjoy, make sure you praise him and let him know that you liked it. You definitely want to let him know that you like something while he’s doing it by making noise or showing him with your body language that he hit the right spot, but you also want to follow that up with verbal encouragement as well. Men need to hear what they’re doing right if you want them to keep doing it – chances are, if you don’t give him that positive reinforcement, he’ll assume that he’s doing it wrong and stop, even if you absolutely love what he’s doing. Remember to keep the comments positive too – a negative comment will stick with him for a long time and negate all of the nice things you said. If you must redirect him, don’t tell him he’s doing something wrong – instead, let him know that you liked something else even better.
How To Show Him What You Like
- Use chocolate sauce to highlight the areas you want him to lick and suck
- Use a feather tickler to trace the path you want his mouth or hands to take around your body
- Bring home a book on erotic massage and read it together – try the techniques on him first and then let him try them on you
- Use your imagination to give your partner visual aids on where and how you want him to touch you!