Your first kiss in a new relationship is an important milestone, whether you’ve had dozens of kisses before or have never kissed anyone at all. If you’re going for your first kiss in a new relationship, rushing your partner into it before she wants to can actually backfire on you. Here’s what to do if you’re ready – and she’s not.
Question: Dear Dan and Jenn, I recently got a girlfriend and I really want to kiss her, but she says she doesn’t want to kiss because this is her first relationship and she doesn’t want to kiss until we are older. But I REALLY like her and I was wondering what I can do to make her want to kiss?
Respect Her Boundaries
Whenever someone says “no” to something, you absolutely have to respect that. Regardless of whether they’re a guy or a girl or what stage your relationship is in, you simply can’t ignore someone if they’re telling you they’re uncomfortable doing something that you want them to do. This applies to kissing, as well as sex. If your partner isn’t ready to kiss you yet, you can’t try to push her past her boundaries. Instead, learn to respect these boundaries because if you were the one who wasn’t comfortable with something, you wouldn’t want her to pressure you about it.
In any situation where your partner lets you know that they’re not ready to do something or aren’t comfortable with something, it’s important that you learn to practice patience. Having patience when your partner says “no” isn’t always easy, especially if she says “no” to something you want very badly, but it’s the right thing to do. Even if you’re convinced that kissing her will take your relationship to a new and exciting level and she’ll really like it once she tries it, if she’s not ready that’s it. It’s over. Try to fill your time with your partner with other fun things, like playing baseball together or hanging out with friends. If you find yourself tempted to kiss your partner often, plan things to do with her that don’t create quiet, awkward moments alone together. Avoid going to the movies where other people are making out and try to stay busy doing fun activities together so you don’t think so much about kissing her and instead you’re focusing on just being with her and having fun with her.
Could It Harm Your Relationship?
Pressuring your partner to kiss you before she is ready can actually do harm to your relationship. At first she will be annoyed, and then she will become frustrated with you and come to resent you for not respecting her wants and needs. Trying to talk her into doing something she’s made clear she’s uncomfortable with doesn’t win you any brownie points. Even if she gives in and gives you what you want in the end, chances are she’ll remember the hurt for a long time. This definitely has the potential to damage your relationship, so if you value what you have with your partner at all, you won’t pressure her to do something she’s just not ready for.