Oral Sex: To Orgasm Or Not To Orgasm

Oral sex is an excellent way to bring a woman to orgasm before intercourse. But she may not always want that – here’s how to tell.

She May Not Reach Orgasm

Although cunnilingus is quite possibly the easiest and most direct approach to getting your partner to reach orgasm, this may not necessarily happen. Don’t stress! Your partner will still enjoy your efforts a lot. As you become more and more experienced, your ability to bring her to orgasm will likely increase, possibly to the point where she orgasms every time you perform cunnilingus.

This is the part where it is important to pay attention to her sounds and movements as well as discussing with your partner what she likes best during cunnilingus.

Communicating With Her

If you’re not comfortable yet asking her directly about her likes and dislikes, if you pay attention to what she’s doing during cunnilingus you will most likely be able to figure out for yourself which movements bring down the house. Movements and sounds that will alert you to an impending orgasm is bucking and shuddering (particularly her legs) and she may be gasping for air or making a lot of noise or none at all. If you’ve ever given her an orgasm before (whether by cunnilingus or other means), you will more than likely be able to recognize when she is on the verge of a mind-bending big O.

Once you start receiving cues that your partner is feeling really good, continue licking and sucking her vulva in the same manner until her orgasm. You can, of course, do a few variations, but most of the fancy tongue movements are for the beginning when she’s really getting warmed up. Most women, like men, need repetition when they are close to bring them to orgasm.

If you and your partner are comfortable with talking to each other about cunnilingus, this can be of great help to a man. Men function best when given clear, direct instructions and if your partner is willing, she can tell you exactly what she likes, where she likes it and when to do it. In this way, she can take control of her pleasure while still experiencing the wonderful and exhilarating feelings of cunnilingus.

You can help her to be more open to expressing her likes and dislikes through conversation by asking her questions about what feels good. You can say in a hot, breathy voice onto her clitoris “Do you like that?” You will almost always be able to tell by the enthusiasm in her voice whether she truly likes the movements or not. And she may surprise you by just saying no!

Vary Your Techniques

If you sense that she does not like a movement, switch to something else and ask her if she likes that better. If nothing seems to be working, don’t get frustrated! If nothing is feeling good for her, she will be frustrated enough for the both of you! Ask her gently to suggest a movement that she would like more and you can even ask her to demonstrate what she would like on your mouth. Keeping the lines of communication open is essential to her experiencing an orgasm. It is possible that she won’t, however, no matter how hard you try.

If you find yourself in this situation, try to bring her to orgasm using a sure-fire method that you know will work, such as using your fingers or intercourse. You may want to have a list of questions ready to ask though, because she may not be able to give you a blow-by-blow of exactly what she wants. Think of some questions beforehand so you can ask (and be sure to ask her gently) what she would like – all you will need from her is a simple nod or shake of her head! This makes it much easier on her – she may not even know what she wants at this point and suggestions can help her figure out what strokes and techniques she likes the best. Some good questions to ask are:

  • Do you like this speed? Would you like me to go faster or slower? Just a little faster (or slower) or a lot?
  • Would you like me to continue moving or stop moving for just a moment? If you want me to stop, just give me the green light to go again.
  • Is this stroke good? Would you like me to continue using this technique? Let me know if you’d like me to change it up a bit.
  • Would you like harder or softer strokes, or do you like the pressure I am applying right now?
  • If this is not the right spot, I would like you to show me exactly where you would like me to move to.
  • Would you like me to move my tongue around in circles like this, or do you prefer another type of movement?
  • Do you like long tongue strokes or short ones?
  • Would you like me to use a little suction or possibly a little more pressure? Let me know what feels good to you or what would feel better.

She Will Still Enjoy What You’re Doing!

There will be times in which she doesn’t want to have an orgasm at all, but is simply enjoying your efforts. That’s fine, but it is also another reason why communication is so important. If she is not going to experience an orgasm, it is important that she tells you before you become frustrated as well. Don’t react harshly if she does tell you that she is not going to have an orgasm (or you sense that she is not) because you may turn her off cunnilingus entirely or at least for a while.

If you feel that her body wants to have an orgasm but for some reason it is just not happening (even if you’ve tried using your hands or intercourse) give her the freedom to masturbate finish her orgasm for herself. She may want you to watch or she may need privacy. This is, of course, the last resort, but if you find yourself in this situation a time or two, don’t be judgmental about it and just let her get her groove on.


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