Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Oral Sex

Oral sex is one of the greatest sexual gifts that someone can give another person because you’re focusing only on their pleasure and theirs alone. Many people enjoy the feeling oral sex more than penetration and intercourse, but what do you do if your partner doesn’t want to give or receive oral sex?

Question: My girlfriend & I are extremely happy with each other, but she is extremely against oral sex, she refuses to give me blow jobs and “doesn’t need” me to give her oral pleasure. Is there a way to make this work, because I’ve never had oral sex given to me or vise-versa. She said she would maybe possibly consider it while she is drunk, but that is honestly worthless to me because I want it to mean something.

–YouTube Viewer

Oral Sex And Hygiene

Many people who have issues with oral sex don’t necessarily have issues with performing oral sex itself, but rather, they have issues with hygiene. They may have had a bad experience before where they performed oral sex on someone and didn’t like the way it tasted or smelled. Fortunately, hygiene issues are fixable. Make sure that you are always clean and showered, use deodorant and cologne if she likes it. Keep your genital area clean and trimmed, and if you’re uncircumcised, make sure you clean underneath the foreskin. Encourage her to lick or kiss around your thighs and tummy. When she gets close enough, she’ll know that you’re clean and fresh and may feel more comfortable with oral sex.

Getting Comfortable With Oral Sex

For a woman, being on the receiving end of cunnilingus can be emotionally uncomfortable. Essentially, she has to open herself up physically and emotionally to you, allowing you to be face to face with her most intimate and sensitive parts. This is enough to make any woman uncomfortable and it may be the reason she wants to get drunk first. If you want to perform oral sex on your partner, the first thing you need to do is get her relaxed. Draw her a hot bath, give her a massage and kiss and lick in that general area to see how she responds. Go slow and don’t rush her.

Communicate With Your Partner

An aversion to oral sex isn’t always what it seems on the surface. She may have some deep rooted issues about oral sex that makes her feel the way she does about it, such as abuse. These emotional roots may go deeper than either you or her expect, and she may not even remember why she started not liking oral sex to begin with. Communicate with her and talk about why she doesn’t feel comfortable with getting or giving oral sex. Just listen to her, and find out where her boundaries are. Don’t criticise her, and allow her to open up and feel that you are there for her. This in and of itself may be what it takes to get her to feel like you are trustworthy enough to experience oral sex with! Just remember never to push her or make her do something she doesn’t want to do.


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