Why A Woman Can Have More Difficulty Reaching Orgasm Than A Man

Female orgasm isn’t always easy to achieve. There are many things that can stand in a girl’s way! Here’s why the female orgasm is more elusive than the man’s.

The truth is, it can be more difficult for a woman to reach orgasm than a man because of the way her body and brain work. Her body is wired differently from his and goes through the stages of sexual pleasure, orgasm and release in a different way. Her brain is also wired differently – sexual pleasure doesn’t just automatically shut off all thinking like it does for a guy. In fact, if she’s thinking too much, she won’t be able to climax. Here are some reasons she might have difficulty reaching orgasm.

She’s Stressed & Tense

A woman’s brain going 10,000 miles an hour will completely and utterly make it impossible for her to reach climax, while she’s having sex or masturbating. Doesn’t matter whether she’s using sex toys, you’re going down on her like it’s your last meal, whatever. It just won’t happen if she can’t get her brain to shut up. This is partly why women require so much warm up time before sex. She’s got to be able to stop thinking about everything that happened today, everything that could have happened, everything that will happen tomorrow as well as everything she should have done, could have done and didn’t do before she can start thinking about sex. This is a process.

The to-do list begins to fade as the sexual thoughts start to creep in, but at any time, the to-do list can rear its ugly head and make a reappearance. She’s got to be in full throttle sex mode to quash the stressful thoughts completely, and this takes some time and lots and lots of warm up. If she can’t banish these thoughts, she’s not going to orgasm.

You can try all you like, but she’ll be thinking about what she’s going to tell her boss tomorrow about the report that was due that isn’t finished while you’re thinking about how hot her breasts look naked and wondering why the hell you’ve been going down on her for twenty minutes and still, nothing. Fortunately, with time, patience, foreplay and some romance, you can slay the to-do list dragon and get her thinking about how good everything you’re doing feels until she’s coming like there’s no report due tomorrow and there is no tomorrow.

She’s Too Focused On Having An Orgasm

Another thing that will keep her from having an orgasm is being too focused on it. Yeah, it seems kind of backwards from a man’s standpoint, but it’s true for the gals. She’s worried about taking too long to come, what will happen if she doesn’t come, wondering if she’ll ever come, what she or you must be doing wrong to make her unable to come – oh hell, there’s those stressful thoughts again and she can forget about coming completely.

For a woman to reach orgasm, she’s got to be relaxed and she’s got to be able to go with the flow. Sadly, this is not something you can make her do or tell her to do – it’s something she’s got to learn how to do on her own. It’s kind of like finding your car keys – as soon as you stop looking, there they will be. As soon as she stops being so focused on having an orgasm and gives up the notion that she has to climax, the orgasm will find her. Until then, she can count on ending every sex session frustrated and this time, it’s not your fault.

She Feels Pressured To Have An Orgasm

This one may be your fault. She could be pressuring herself to have an orgasm (see above), but men often unknowingly pressure their partners  without realizing that doing so will make it impossible for her to have one. How many times has this sentence killed your orgasm? “Are you close yet?” Yeah, that one. The sentence that pretty much says, “I’m tired of doing this, you’re taking too long, is this almost over?”

Unfortunately for women, that attitude can be conveyed fairly easily without her partner every having to say anything. (The same can happen for men, but men see things at face value so much that a woman pretty much has to say it for him to understand that’s what she’s getting at). A sigh here, complete silence there – there are a great deal of body language signs that you can give without thinking about it that will make her feel like you want her to hurry up or that you think she’s taking too long. Which will make her take longer or not climax at all.

If you want her to orgasm easily, be wary of conveying that you’re pressuring her to reach the finish line. Act like there’s no where else you’d rather be and that she can take as long as she needs or wants. “Wow, honey, I didn’t even realize I was giving you oral sex for forty minutes – it tasted so good and I love giving you pleasure so much that it felt like five!”

She Can’t Let Go

Many women have problems letting go right before orgasm, which can be very frustrating for her. Her brain is usually the culprit here, but there are likely some deeper psychological issues at play that you really can’t do anything about. She’s unknowingly and unconsciously preventing herself from crossing the finish line – even if she’s only a few steps away from it. To her, this feels like every time she has sex she’s “almost there” and right before orgasm, her body stops the action and goes back to square one. If this is the case for your girl, she may have trouble allowing herself to let go.

She may be afraid of silly things like losing control and passing gas (who cares, right?) or even squirting – like you wouldn’t think that was incredibly hot or something. Or, the issue may go deeper than that – a history of sexual abuse might be at play, or she may have had past lovers that didn’t care to give her an orgasm or thought she shouldn’t have one. She may have been raised to believe that women aren’t supposed to get sexual pleasure, or that if a girl orgasms, she’s “dirty” or doing something “wrong.”

Any of these things could be causing her to be unable to let go when she’s on the brink of climax, or it could be something else. This is where being sensitive to her feelings and being able to communicate with your lover about what she is thinking and feeling will come in handy.

She Doesn’t Know How

Even though during sex you are primarily responsible for doing the physical work to get her to reach orgasm, there’s a lot that she’s still got to do as well. If she’s never had an orgasm before or hasn’t had them very often, she may not know how to get up and over the orgasm hump. While orgasms can just happen, more often than not, it takes a certain degree of recognition and body response for her to go along with it and propel herself over the edge.

Women who rely solely on a man to make them come are usually disappointed. Women learn this skill during masturbation – which is why female masturbation is so gosh darn important if a girl ever wants to climax, either by herself or with her lover. If she refuses to masturbate or thinks is dirty or wrong, well, she can kiss her orgasm goodbye forever and that’s not your fault – not even a little bit.

She’s got to learn what an orgasm feels like and how to move her body and what to do to be able to orgasm consistently during different types of stimulation. If your girl has trouble reaching orgasm no matter what you do for her, she may very well not know how.

You Didn’t Spend Enough Time Warming Her Up

This is another one that unfortunately, is usually a man’s fault. You already know that women require a great deal of foreplay if they’re actually going to get into it, and many men fail at giving their partners as much foreplay as they need. Unfortunately, many women expect their lovers to automatically know what to do and how long to spend doing it without communicating what they want and need, but this is a different problem entirely.

Men and women are wired differently – men are like a blowtorch while women are like ovens. Men heat up fast and hard, and when they’re done, they’re off. No more fire. Women, however, take a while to preheat and they stay warm longer. It also takes them time to cool off and while the oven is hot, she can bake 10 batches of cookies without breaking a sweat. Allow your partner plenty of time to “preheat.” She’s doing lots of things during this time – allowing her body to relax, as well as killing those nasty stressful thoughts that take so much effort to get rid of.

Don’t put a time limit on her and make sure to pay attention to her body language. If you pay close attention to her, she’ll let you know when she’s ready to move on. If she seems disinterested in sex after foreplay, seems like she’s been let down or stops caring as soon as you switch to intercourse, it’s likely you didn’t spend enough time getting her warmed up. This, of course, makes it very difficult for her to have an orgasm.


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