How to Enjoy Erotica with Your Partner

Lauren and Will have been together for three years. She works at a law firm where she’s caught her male co-workers checking out her long legs and firm buttocks on more than one occasion.

Will is a commodities trader. He often leaves for the office early and returns home late. He’s known for his boyish good looks and twinkling blue eyes.

When they first started dating, Will was the one who initiated sex, the one who encouraged Lauren to try new positions and do things she never imagined good girls did. She enjoyed it more than she expected.

After they married, sex remained a centerpiece of their relationship, with Saturdays often devoted to exploring and satisfying each other’s urges and desires.

But in the last few months, their lovemaking has acquired a sameness. They’ve fallen into a pattern of straight missionary sex on the one or two nights a week that Will doesn’t fall asleep in front of the TV.

Lauren finds their couplings less than satisfactory. And she’s worried, because now when the guys at the office look, she’s tempted to look back. She’s caught herself fantasizing about that hunky fellow who exercises on his deck across the way. And the other night, she woke up from a dream about her high school boy friend, damp and flushed and too worked up to go back to sleep.

She’d like to talk to Will, but isn’t sure where to begin. She’d like inject a little spice into what’s become “same old, same old,” but is afraid of rejection. Why, the other night when she wore a new black thong to bed, Will didn’t even notice.

Maybe it’s time for a little erotica in this couple’s life.

Erotica: What’s That?

Lauren’s never been turned on by porn videos. Like a lot of women, she’s more threatened than aroused by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and practiced capabilities of the porno queens. So, popping a porn video in the CD player and snuggling up on the couch with Will probably isn’t the best solution.

On the other hand, Lauren remembers how much she enjoyed reading about sex when she was younger. She remembers being stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters she cared about in the context of stories in which she was engaged.

While it’s an overgeneralization, the distinction being drawn is between “porn,” especially video porn, and “erotica,” especially writings about sex. Researchers know that while men are easily stimulated by images of sex, women prefer reading about the down and dirty. The best news is that while men respond more quickly to visual images, they also respond to written erotica.

Especially, when it’s shared with a partner.

Finding What You Like

In an earlier article I explored how and where to find quality erotica. It’s available both online and in print. The first step to enjoying erotica with your partner is to find the flavor you like best among all the many offerings.

Because sexual tastes often differ and can be quite specific, erotica is often organized by flavor or “sub- genre.” Here are some of the most common and what they mean:

Romance (Romantica)—This is sexually explicit writing involving a romantic relationship, where the guy gets the girl (or vice versa). While some of the writing remains pulpy, much of it has evolved to include threesomes, gays, and lesbians loving it up in all manner of exciting settings and situations.

BDSM—This includes stories of bondage, discipline, submission, and humiliation. Ever thought about being tied up and blindfolded, ever wondered what it would be like to be someone’s sex slave, ever wanted to call all the shots? Here’s your chance to check it out. Bring collars, whips, and cock rings to the reading, if you’re really adventurous.

Sci-Fi and Fantasy—These are stories set in places far away and a long time ago. They often involving couplings between humans and non-humans. You can also find your share of horny elves, sex-starved vampires, and craven witches.

Fetishes—Fetishes involve sexual attraction to objects or situations that aren’t normally associated with sex. Remember that guy in college who loved your feet, maybe that was a foot fetish. Like the idea of watching or being watched? Ever get caught sniffing your partner’s lingerie? Ever fantasized about having sex while dressed in latex? You probably get the picture.

Erotic Couplings—This is by far the most common sub-genre and encompasses everything a couple can do to together on this planet without chains and whips, without getting too kinky, and without necessarily falling in love. It’s hot sex with an office co-worker, the pizza boy, a professor, or even a spouse. Maybe it’s sex on a train, at a resort, or on the patio. It’s probably not that far removed from what you’re already doing—only better.

Literary Erotica—Think Hemingway on Viagra. This is erotica that engages not only your nether regions, but also your mind. It’s so well-written, your sophomore English teacher would be proud, complete with beautifully crafted sentences, quirky and alluring characters, and a strong, believable plot line. And hot, really hot sex, made all the better, because the writing is so good.

The type of erotica you and your partner choose to share probably depends on your goal. If, like Lauren, you’re simply looking to add a little zing to a sex life that’s grown a little weary, a story about a couple caught in a snow storm might be just the ticket. If you and your lover want to explore a toy fetish, a BDSM experience, or sex in the 27th century on the Planet Xeno with reptilian creatures that go both ways, you’ll want venture into other sub-genres.

Sharing the Moment

The best way to enjoy erotica together is to snuggle up in bed, on a sofa, or at the beach, and take turns reading. Maybe you light a candle, change into those silk boxers she bought you for Valentine’s Day, or enjoy a glass of wine together. For many couples the mere act of speaking sexy, forbidden words aloud can be highly arousing. Just hearing a partner describe a hot orgy or oral sex in the back of a packed theatre can cause temperatures to rise.

If you’re the reader, unleash your inner Academy Award winner. If you’re the listener, close your eyes, allow yourself to sink into your partner’s voice. And, remember, you can always put the book or story down and let nature take its course. The words will be there for reading later on.

Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything you read about to have a great experience. It may be exciting to read about participating in an orgy, but you can still have plain-old vanilla, one-on-one sex, after the reading is done. On the other hand, that story about oral sex may be just what it takes to encourage him to go down on you.

If you can’t enjoy erotica in person, enjoy it a distance. One couple I know travels on business incessantly. She’s often in Los Angeles, while he’s in Newark. They like to unwind after a busy day by reading to one another across the phone lines.

A male acquaintance often e-mails snippets of stories or links to stories to his girl friend’s cell phone. It makes for great reading on the train ride home for her and a warm reception once she arrives for him.

A less technologically savvy friend slips sexy story anthologies or novels into her husband’s briefcase as he heads off to work. Now he’s reading thrillers during his lunch hour that end up giving both partners a thrill.

In the end, how you choose to share erotica is up to you. The possibilities are endless. The point is that it’s a great way to kick start a new sexual adventure or fan the flames of dying embers.


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