Sex loses it’s luster after many months and years into a marriage. It’s easy for one or both partners to get comfortable with each other, which is actually one of the best benefits of marriages but can also wreak havoc on a great love life. Your sex life isn’t doomed though – here’s how to put the fire back into it.
I’ve been married for six years. I still love my husband very much, but we’ve become best friends instead of lovers. How do I add the sexual spark back into our relationship?
What She Said:
Don’t fret; your position is a common one. The great news is that the important components are here – love and friendship. You’re obviously in it for the long haul and nothing is more important than the unconditional love and companionship you and your husband share.
That said, sex is obviously a very important part of marriage – not to mention a lovely way to connect. It’s natural when passion fades. Our bodies aren’t made to keep up that level of hormonal output. The pheromones were there in order to draw you together; what you do with the rest is up to you and your hubby!
Putting The Spark Back In
How to add the spark back into your sex life? Start by thinking of all the things you appreciate about your husband. That will most likely lead to feelings of tenderness and will leave you more open to lovemaking. A romantic date night is still a tried and true approach of lighting the proverbial fires – an intimate dinner and a bottle of wine can go a long way!
Also take some time to reflect on your courtship. What made you hot then? Did you surprise him after work with a blowjob? Did you make out at the movies? Did you sneak off and have sex in the bushes outside your favorite club? Were you into costumes? If so, it might time to dust off the pom poms and slip into that cheerleading outfit! Revisiting the sexy times you two shared in the early portion of your relationship will most likely lead to a reinvigorated sex life in the now.
Don’t forget the day-to-day – hugging, kissing and saying, “I love you” keeps the connection open and reminds you both that you’re much more than friends.
What He Said
Things change. Mostly likely this started when the two of you took your eyes off the collective ball. You have to put in the effort to make the spark stay alive over time. That’s just how it is. It’s like this: If you look like a bodybuilder and you want to keep looking like a bodybuilder, you need to keep working out on a regular basis. You can’t stop working out for six months and then wonder why you aren’t in as good of shape as you used to be. It’s not magic, you (both) stopped putting the work in.
It’s far easier to maintain something than it is to re-create something.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is that it’s faster to get back in shape than it is to get in shape in the first place. Your body remembers what it was like to be in shape and wants to go back to that.
So does your relationship. You can get it back. But you will both need to accept that you’re romantically out of shape before you can get back into shape. Take sometime to figure out how you fell in love in the first place and recreate it. It will take a bit of time, but it will be worth it. A romantic getaway is a great way to start. It might be a bit of effort, but it’s worth it.