The libido changes in lots of ways throughout life, for both men and women. A low sex drive can mean a lot of things for a woman, especially after giving birth. Here’s how to figure out why she has a low libido and how to revv up your partner’s libido again after the baby is born.
Question: My question is, since my wife gave birth 18 months ago she is never in the mood, EVER. Now I work midnights and take care of the baby during the day to save on daycare costs. During that time at home, I cook, I clean, I do laundry and of course take care of the baby. I do this because I know her job is stressful and she works hard and the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is cook and clean. I thought all of that might help, but it didn’t. How can I help her get her get her libido back??? Thanks for the help!
Why A Woman’s Libido Might Change
There are a million different reasons a girl might experience a change in your lover’s libido, whether it’s a decrease or an increase. Usually it boils down to hormones. Throughout a female’s life, the levels of hormones in the body, such as estrogen, differs greatly. She may have a rampant sex drive at a younger age, only to experience a drastic decrease in libido during the aging process and the levels of hormones in the body begin to change. This is especially true right after giving birth. The good majority of the time a female experiences a change in libido, a change in hormones is what is responsible.
Communication Is Key
Make sure that you actually have an open line of communication with your partner about what is going on in your relationship, especially when it comes to sex – or the lack of it. Your partner may have no clue how you feel about the situation if you’re not talking to her – so make sure you’re actually communicating about what is happening.
Physical Reasons A Female’s Sex Drive Can Decrease
If your partner just isn’t feeling good and isn’t feeling like having sex, it may be time to make an appointment with her doctor. There are several purely physical reasons that a girl might experience a decrease in libido, such as:
- Changes in hormones
- Having a baby, especially if it was a difficult birth
- Significant weight gain
- Taking certain medications, especially anti-depressants and anti-psychotics
Emotional Causes For A Reduced Libido
Aside from physical factors, there are also lots of emotional factors that you need to consider when trying to find the root of a female’s lack of libido.
- Being tired or exhausted from work or taking care of kids
- Lack of time together as a couple
- Lack of emotional connection
- Lack of confidence and feeling unattractive, especially after having a baby or gaining weight
- Depression or anxiety
A Word On Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression is a serious issue that can happen after a girl has a baby, but it can be difficult to spot, since it’s normal for women to feel a little down after giving birth – this is most commonly referred to as the “baby blues.” However, when it becomes serious, it can be dangerous to leave it untreated. If you suspect that your partner may have postpartum depression, don’t judge or criticize. Show your partner love and support, but make sure to see a doctor immediately. Serious postpartum depression can cause a woman to harm herself or the baby, which never ends well. Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:
- Lower libido than before the baby
- Loss of appetite
- Intense irritability and anger
- Overwhelming fatigue
- Lack of joy in life
- Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
- Severe mood swings
- Difficulty bonding with the baby
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Thoughts of harming herself or the baby
What You Can Do To Fire Up The Libido
If you’ve ruled out some of the more serious reasons that your partner might be experiencing a decrease in libido there are a few things you can do to try to get that spark back into your sex life.
Plan A Date Night
Often, after having a baby, everything becomes all about taking care of the baby. There’s very little time left for you and your partner to actually spend time together away from the baby and reconnect. You need to remember why you’re a couple in the first place! The baby will be just fine with a babysitter or grandma and grandpa while you and your partner go on a date. Stay in touch, but remember that you need to take some time for the two of you.
One of the most important aspects of planning a date night is that a girl doesn’t usually have the opportunity to dress up, do her hair, put on makeup and go somewhere when she’s a full time mother – especially if there’s a full time job involved. Giving your partner the opportunity to feel like a woman again can work wonders!
Romance Your Partner
You may just be missing that element of romance that used to exist in your relationship but doesn’t anymore. Most of a female’s arousal is actually mental, and for a girl to feel sexual, she must be completely relaxed. Draw a nice bubble bath and pour your partner a glass of wine (if the baby isn’t nursing). Give your partner a massage, or buy a gift certificate so she can go get one.
Focus Your Attention On Your Partner
Remember that for a woman to feel important to you and valued by you (which is necessary for a lady to want to be come sexual with you), she has to feel like you’re paying attention to her and value what she has to say. Talk to your partner one on one, with the television off. Ask questions about how she feels and what she thinks, and then actually listen to the answers!
When You Do Have Sex
When you and your partner actually do have sex, it’s very important that you focus on her pleasure – and make sure your lover has an orgasm too! Worship your lover’s body and make her feel sexy in the way you touch and look at her. Give your partner oral sex and let her have an orgasm first, and even more than once if you can!
If She’s Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm
Many women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially after having a baby. After giving birth, things may be a little sore, or may just feel a little different down there. Don’t be afraid to bring in some props like arousal gel or warming lube. Of course, lube is especially crucial for sex after having a baby, because you can really hurt the sensitive tissues down there if the vagina is dry – which is more likely after giving birth.