Q&A: Losing My Erection – Am I Gay?

Losing your erection can be frightening, especially if you’re not sure why. There are lots of reasons that men lose their erections, whether they’re young, old, gay or straight. If you find yourself unexpectedly losing your erection, you’re probably wondering what it’s all about – and how to fix it. Here’s what to do when you start going soft.

Question: I have a problem with sex. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 months now. We’ve had sex for couple times. If we make out I get an erection, but if i want to have sex with her, my erection just goes away. If I masturbate with my friends together, I will get a really hard and long-lasting erection. Do you think I am gay?

–YouTube Viewer

Pressure To Perform

Very few men are able to get it on when they’re under intense pressure to perform. If you’re in a new relationship and you feel like your partner is really scrutinizing your every move and sizing you up (literally and figuratively) you’ll probably be a bit nervous when it’s time for the lights to go out. It is not at all uncommon for this type of sexual pressure to cause men to lose their erection or to make it difficult to achieve an erection at all.

What Do You Fantasize About?

If you’re wondering if losing your erection around a woman makes you gay, you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Going soft when you’re with a woman doesn’t make you gay and it’s not at all an indicator of whether you might be gay or bisexual at all. What you fantasize about when you’re masturbating or having sex is the best way to tell if you’re truly gay or not. If you’re with a woman and wish you were with a man or fantasize about having sex with a man, you might be gay or bisexual. Otherwise, don’t stress if you’re just having some erection issues. It doesn’t have anything to do with your sexual orientation.

Sexual Comfort

Many men experience erectile problems when they’re not in their comfort zone. If you’re with a new partner and in a new relationship, you’re not going to be as comfortable sexually than if you’re with your friends or with someone you’ve been with before and are comfortable with. Even if you’re masturbating with your friends and your friends are guys, it doesn’t mean you’re gay if you consistently achieve a long lasting erection when you’re with them. It may be solely that you’re in a comfortable situation where you’re not feeling pressured to perform and you can relax enough to focus on your own pleasure. Try getting to know your partner outside of sex. Get to know them as a person and as a friend. When you do have sex with your partner, find a place that is comfortable for you, such as your home or your bed. Going to her home or even having sex in the car may make you uncomfortable enough to lose your erection. Give your relationship time. You may find that your problem resolves itself when you get to know your partner and your relationship becomes more solid.


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