Before doing the deed with a total stranger, it is recommended to have an open discussion about sexuality, safe sex and STD’s. Ideally, coupledom should start this way, with both parties opening up and talking about the people they had sex with, the last time they had an HIV test, and whether or not they’ve always used protection during sex in the past.
But we all know that a conversation like that will kill romance and will make the date feel more like an interrogation than a prelude to sex.
So, should you just let the burning questions in your mind go unanswered? Of course not! There are ways to ask without being a “mood killer.” Tactful perseverance and the ability to read between the lines are the skills you need to make your new partner open up without feeling affronted.
For instance, you want to ask about condom use. You can start with a discussion on which condom brands are the best, which ones you have tried, and whether the condoms he brought with him are thin enough. From there, you can progress to questions on safe sex and number of sex partners.
Here is a list of questions to ask before sex…
Is he bisexual? If you ask about gender preference, you should also be ready to talk about your own preference.
You must also be prepared to hear something you do not want to hear. For instance, your partner might have been a woman in the past, or he was gay before he met you.
Was there a time when he did not use condoms? If your partner was in a long-term relationship (or he is in a long-term relationship with someone else), ask about his reasons for not using protection.
Maybe he wanted to have kids? Maybe he felt safe in a monogamous relationship? You can also mention something about latex allergy and how you are wondering if he is allergic to latex. Again, you must also be prepared to share your safe sex stories with your new lover if you open this topic.
Any S&M tendencies? What is kinky to you might be commonplace to your new partner. If your fetishes jive, you may have found your soul mate.
Ask about favorite sex positions, fetishes and the like. In addition, ask whether he engages in anal sex. You wouldn’t want your partner to surprise you with anal sex when you’re not ready for it, would you?
When you ask questions before you have sex, you have no choice but to take the answers as they are. You do not really know whether or not your new partner is lying. After all, he might assume that telling the naked truth may just turn you off completely.
Nevertheless, it’s still best to lay your cards on the table when you are about to get naked with a guy you just met. Be alert and watch out for inconsistencies. He may be saying one thing and doing another, so watch out.