Sex is only as hot as you make it – if you’re always doing it with the lights off and in the missionary position, you’ll get bored.... continue reading
Sex is only as hot as you make it – if you’re always doing it with the lights off and in the missionary position, you’ll get bored. It’s easy for both men and women to get bored with sex, especially when they’re in a long term, monogamous relationship. If you and your partner could have lost that lovin’ feeling, how do you turn the heat up?
I love my girlfriend. She’s amazing, but the sex isn’t. It’s strictly “lights out, missionary style” sex. I need a bit more kink in my coffee, so to speak. How can I get her to spice up our sex life?
What She Said:
In a word, ask. Be sure to couch it in terms of wanting to explore and share with her. The moment you start placing the blame on her for your lack of variety is the moment you’re most likely not going to be getting laid for quite awhile!
I’m not sure of your ages, but this could just be an issue of lack of experience versus resistance to trying new things. Learn about new positions together – that way she won’t feel intimidated or inadequate.
Check in with her comfort level – you don’t want to scare her off. But if she’s game, pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra and start circling things you want to try. Couples erotica might also help give her some visual tips. Do a little research and find something “soft core” that appeals to women. Adding a sexy “bedtime” story via will also give your gal a nudge towards variety.
In the end it’s all about having fun, being safe and doing what comes naturally. With some suggestions, communication and compassion I’m guessing your repertoire together will be expanded in no time!
What He Said:
There are tons of different ways. You can get books that have a new sex position to try each and every day of the year. You can get a liberator or sex swing, and those each come with a plethora of positions that you can only do with those two pieces of equipment.
The actuality of trying new positions is incredibly simple. The more challenging part will be adding a little spice into your straight vanilla sex.
That is, getting your partner to agree to add it.
Talk to her about it and find out what her objections are. They could be religious, or she could just have history of un-inventive partners. Maybe she’s afraid of being a whore or slut or has some kind of sexual insecurities.
Whatever they may be, you’ll have to get a dialogue going and you’ll have to get her to open up about these things, and come to some kind of consensus. It may not be easy to get this information out of her. You may be feeling like you’re peeling back the layers of an onion, and in some ways you are. But be loving and be patient.
Be prepared to take baby steps as well. She’s probably not going to go from straight vanilla to Rick James overnight (though that would be hot!)
She’ll more likely take a baby step in a particular direction (talking dirty, for example) and then she’ll feel awkward, nervous and then look to you for feedback. Always be loving and caring and nurturing. Whatever she did was amazing, even if it’s not really. You must give it time. She’s learning a new skill and nobody is great at a new skill right off the bat.