Sex tips are something you often want to give a woman, but approaching the subject does take some finesse. Here’s how to offer your lover guidance in bed.
Getting your girl to be better in bed? Now that’s a tall order! Considering you have to keep her ego intact along the way. So, how does one give corrective comments?
The objective is not to point an accusing finger but to enrich both your sexual experiences, and you can’t do that by trying to beat her to pulp. Attacking her ego is both stupid and useless – stupid in that it backfires and generates more of what you’re complaining about, and useless in that people will always protect & defend their egos.
Don’t Rub It In
“You’re terrible,” is the last thing you want to say. Why? Because it breaks her, but doesn’t tell her what to do. Real feedback tells the receiver how to make better. “You’re terrible” is not feedback, it’s a waste of spit. She doesn’t suck, she is undergoing the process of becoming “The Best You’ve Ever Had” – so guide her through it.
This is really obvious enough, but you’ll be surprised how some guys treat a lady. Many harbor secret delight in berating their partners, deriving pleasure by making them feel bad.
Be Non Threatening
Use the magic word: TRY. Believe me, she will. Say during a handjob, “Honey, why don’t you TRY to use both hands.” It’s non- threatening, it doesn’t focus on mistakes and it tells her exactly what to do. That’s feedback.
The Sandwich Technique
Use this as a corrective technique to give her sex tips. It is named such because of the specific way comments are sequenced – the negative/corrective comment is strategically sandwiched between 2 positives, so the negative is eased in without unneeded friction. The result? She learns she sucks, but still feels hopeful and happy about it.
You don’t position negative comments in glaring light, therefore sparing the receiver from unnecessary distress, giving her a graceful exit – this is its beauty.
Don’t worry, your sex tips will still get across, it’s not imperceptible, it just won’t be as scarring. She’ll instead bask in the glow of the praise and use that energy to work on her issues. It’s both uplifting and corrective, two birds with one stone!
It’s an effective way to make somebody shape-up their sorry asses. Not everybody can handle “tough love,” and if you’ve been trying it without results, try a Sandwich. Positioning yourself as an ally gives your remarks a fair hearing.
Look For What’s Hot
Look for things your partner is good at. Come up with at least two. There has to be something, something she doesn’t suck at. I assure you, you will find it, you don’t need to lie through your teeth on this one. It can be as simple as how her lips feel when she smiles while kissing or the warmth of her palms on your back when you’re on top of her, or the fact that she makes sure you orgasm first before she helps herself. A simple, “You rock!,” will make her day.
And even if you’re kind of stretching the truth on a compliment, it will still do wonders – because one way of creating a great lover out of your partner is by mentioning that she already is. (Another one of those cheap psychological tricks you may use.) If she’s good at giving a blowjob, make her even better by mentioning how great she is at it.
I assure you, the next time she’s giving you one, she’ll show off her skills and prove you right on that compliment. It’s like telling a girl she looks great in a red dress, making her feel so good about herself, and finding out later that because of your comment, she starts wearing red everyday.
Think of the things she could do better. Is it her tiny mouth? Or the fact that she yells another man’s name when you make love? Think about the things you would change in her sexual technique and how you might change them. Although this is probably easier to do than it is to think of things she does well (if she’s really bad in bed) and you can think of a whole list of things she can improve upon, stick to one or two things at a time. The sandwich technique doesn’t work very well if you follow a compliment with an entire list of things she sucks at. Once she’s mastered something you’ve suggested she do better, you can choose a new “complaint” to use the sandwich technique with.
Sandwich the sex tips between the positives, and you have a comment that not only boosts her ego, but made her a better partner as well. Highlight the positives and teach her something on the side.