Sex tips often cover the “how to” but not necessarily the “how.” If you have little ones, having sex can be a challenge. Check out these ways to get busy!
Baby makes three(or more), but does it make for a happy sex life? Generally, couples have more difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life when they start hearing the pitter patter of little feet. But does having kids really have to mean the end of intercourse, or sex in general as you know it? No, no it doesn’t. But how do you keep the passion going? It’s easy when you know how.
What She Said:
I have no children (at least none that I know of) but I come from a family of 5 kids and I’ve been around enough couples with kids to know that it can be hard to find alone time. With kids around, you almost have to resort back to the ties you started dating and back to quickies. You might not have the time or energy for a whole night but you can always find 10 minutes for a quickie. Have sex in the shower! Or set the alarm a few minutes early you can have some mommy and daddy time.
When kids go down for a nap, you two should also head to bed but for other reasons. Get a lock on your door too, if kids ask, don’t lie but let them know you are just having some of your own nap time. True it might be awhile until you have hours of sex but having a quickie a few night a week is all you really need to keep the spark going and it should not interrupt kid time.
What He Said:
The most important thing is to simply accept the reality of the situation: your sex life has changed. For the next 20 years or so, you have a child and that child requires constant attention. Having a child will change your sex life forever, that is a fact. Whether or not that is a change for the better or worse is up to you and your partner. If your sex life goes in the toilet, don’t go blaming it on your kid. It’s not their fault.
Sex will be different. The biggest thing that is affected by kids is the spontaneity. You will never have that again. Yes, you should have date nights and staycations where you go to the hotel and screw like single people, but your sex life from now on will have to be scheduled. Budget it into your day planner, and don’t worry about whether or not you want to do it or not. Being in the mood is hard when you have kids, and if you wait till you are in the mood to do it, you might never have intercourse again.
The main way to get it on when you have kids is just to plain have sex. Period. Doesn’t matter how long it lasts or if it’s good or not. My philosophy is that sex is like pizza. There’s no such thing as bad pizza. There’s okay pizza, good pizza, great pizza, mind blowing pizza. But it’s never bad. It’s only bad when you don’t have it.
A funny thing will happen to you when you and your partner start screwing regularly after having kids: you’ll remember how much you love doing it. You’ll be happier, more relaxed, and the intercourse will begin to flow freely like beer at a frat party. Then, suddenly, before you know it, you’ll be in the mood again, and the sex will be awesome, if not in quality, certainly in quantity.
Again, the consistency factor is the main way to get it on when you have kids, but ownership is just as important. You’ll need to take ownership of your sex life like never before, and you’ll have to get it in all of your heads (get it?) that your sex life is going to be the best it’s ever been and nothing else will be entertained in the slightest. This may require a various array of tools in your sex kit: swinging, sex toys, vibrators, strap ons, tantra, sensual massage, porn, weekend getaways, whatever it takes. You two are a team and you should be committed to the goal of great sex, and not really care how it gets there.
Remember, above all else, that it is possible to have a healthy, regular, erotic and sensual sex life even after multiple children. It will take a bit of work, but it is totally doable (see what I did there?) And it’s a worthwhile goal. And yes, it takes practice, but isn’t that the fun of it?