How Does Sex Get Boring?
First, let’s look at how something as wonderful as sex becomes so pathetic. It has a lot to do with settling down – settling down to habits and set expectations.
As we said of most sexual relationships, knocking boots begins hot, hot, hot! Life was good, it was freakin’ good! Then, it kinda gets simply warm – still nice, but not as hot as before. Then, after some time, sex with the same person loses much of its initial appeal. It gets colder and colder. Soon it gets so frigidly cold, nobody wants to shed their clothes anymore!
One of the suspects could be monotony.
How Predictability KILL Your Sex Life
Sex habits and predictability aren’t bad in and of themselves. When utilized properly, they afford stability in sexual relationships by creating an atmosphere that’s both familiar and safe. This is the good light of them.
What’s wrong with doing what you love over and over in the first place? Your fave sex positions, even foreplay mannerisms, all reflect personal preferences – and you love them because they have worked for you in the past. Blending them into an evening of pleasure makes for efficient & effective sex, and proficient & competent partners. – UP TO A POINT.
Trouble begins when, after discovering what works, couples become one-hit-wonders and stop trying out other stuff. They become so engrossed with what they like and get too lazy with the rest. Before you know it, they’ve been doing the same thing for the last 35 years!
A sex schedule for example, can be helpful, but if it kills all the spontaneity, then it can also work to your disadvantage – sex becomes predictable. Habits make that which is wonderful look so ordinary and mundane – robbing it of its appeal. Throw in laziness & apathy and you have a deadly combo.
And here’s the kicker – predictability suits men.
Why He Loves The Monotony
Guys love efficiency and predictability in getting their orgasm. But oftentimes, the same can be flat out disadvantageous for women, so that while a man may be enjoying a sexual custom, your girl could be harboring a loathing for it.
Habits, even the good ones, have the tendency to degrade into its core elements (i.e. penetration & ejaculation). While in the past, it may have worked just fine, it can degenerate over time. It used to be good when he used to engage her in finesse foreplay, penetrated her with gentlemanly flair, and finished her off with his tongue. (In this context, the habit works for the couple.)
But over time, the kisses, caresses and eye contacts diminish ‘til they become ancient history. Now, only penetration and ejaculation elements remain and what used to be hot and passionate has gone tasteless and dry.
Beat predictability to death and it will eventually kill your sex life. Can you now sense the potential dark side?
But can you also see that you can do something about it?
Heat It Up!
The most powerful aphrodisiac in the world is not a plate of oysters – it’s NOVELTY. It’s the allure of something new, something unknown and something you may never have done before. It’s the freshness of the unfamiliar, the excitement of not knowing what’s happening, or the vagueness of it.
It’s the newness of things that make intimate encounters both exhilarating and refreshing. Do you know why romantic-scented-candles-and-sensual-music set-ups work? Because they don’t happen every night. They require work, so men save them for special occasions.
Watch what happens when such romantic gestures happen on a nightly basis. Right! The sweet set-up gets old, no matter how grand they may be. Suddenly, the scented candles cease to be so “Awwww,” they become signs of a gross inability to pay electric bills.
Habits serve well by keeping us from stumbling in the dark, but sometimes, human beings need to stumble in darkness to see the light. Sometimes we need unpredictability and unfamiliarity in order to feel alive. Come to think of it, these standards don’t really improve our sex lives, they merely make it stable. “Stable” is usually not enough, and oftentimes, it gets mistaken for “boring.”
But you should know that falling into some sort of habit is human nature, everybody yields to it. But just as everything else, there exists in our nature a counterpoint that balances our fondness for habits and stability – that’s our desire for novelty.
Trying New Things & Using Your Imagination
Novelty is the perfect antidote. When sex becomes a stale act, give your vintage moves a rest and bring in SOMETHING NEW.
This “something” could actually be almost NOTHING. For you’re not required to radically alter sexual practices, it just takes little touches to spark erotic encounters to life. Don’t think extreme, excessive or extravagant. If you can enrich just a tenth of the experience, she’ll love it – a single touch technique for example, can make a huge difference.
This “something” could be ANYTHING – even something totally unrelated to sex. (And I want you to really open your eyes for this one.) Just as anything in a room can be a deadly weapon – telephones, vase, pillow, keyboard (depends on how you use it and where you strike), anything can be a sexual weapon. Anything at all!
For example, a piece of smooth stone may have nothing to do with sex, but under the hands of a creative lover during an erotic massage, it can do magic.
And so we arrive at the concept of PERSONAL CREATIVITY.
As always, everything starts in the mind, with YOUR IMAGINATION. A lot of imagination is rendered next to useless in this world of comfort zones. You are lounging everyday, carrying the most exciting and insightful sexual ideas in your head. Free your imagination, let your regular thinking patterns, your normal, your usual take the first beating.
But do it in your own pace.
You and your girl will have that initial hesitation reminiscent of human beings trying out something new. But that’s okay. It’s totally understandable, part of the charm actually. And when it works, it works! If not, then move on to a thousand other things.
Creativity is the super highway to novelty. It is the blank check with which new sexual experiences are written. Creativity looks at a woman’s body in a different way, frames sex into new exciting perspectives and reveals avenues and alleys before unnoticed.
It diversifies sexual practices into variations never even thought probable. And the beautiful thing about it is unfettered creativity ALWAYS WORKS! It never fails you when you give it a chance. It keeps trying ‘til it hits pay dirt. CREATIVITY is innovative, imaginative, artistic and resourceful.