Sex Tips – The REAL Secret to Sexual Confidence

Sex can be a wonderful and exciting part of any relationship, bringing great joy to both (or more) partners. But so often a couple just isn’t sexually in sync. For whatever reason, they just don’t click sexually.

A common reason for these sex problems is the lack of open and honest communication.

This is a deeply engrained societal issue… people just aren’t comfortable talking openly about sex, not even with their sex partners. And guess what – your partner isn’t going to read your mind. If you don’t let them know what you want, they won’t know.

When lovers do talk, it’s often about the physical – the logistics of love making, not about their deep fantasies and desires. So often we get questions from people who can’t seem to get a particular sex position just right.

It’s not about getting the other person to orgasm in any particular position or another, but rather about feeling desired, felling wanted, feeling your partner’s lust and craving for you – feeling the intense heat of passion. And it’s about making your partner experience that as well.

That’s something to strive for. It’s that shared desire that brings great sexual confidence.

Today’s question is from a lady dealing with the difficult issue of sexual confidence.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I find myself burdened with an unfortunate insecurity. I don’t feel confident in bed. I have had a number of good and bad relationships that have left me knowing a lot about my soul, but little about success in bed. My first sex partner used to become extremely angry and offended if I didn’t want to have sex. He would lay guilt trips down, refuse to speak to me, or yell. It wasn’t until after leaving the relationship that I realized how badly it made me feel about myself, and how unnecessary/abusive it was. I dated another boy after him who was just the opposite, we dated for 3 years and he rarely initiated sex, not wanting to make me feel pressured. We spoke freely of our feelings, and by the end he felt more comfortable being aggressive. The second relationship helped me feel comfortable with myself and men, however neither relationship really left me feeling like a sex goddess.

Now, I have finally found someone who is helping me explore my sexual side. I recently started dating a French man I met, and he really knows how to turn me on! The problem is… with every boyfriend, I have never been able to get a guy to cum from a blow job, and I’ve never really been the one on top during sex. Frenchie keeps trying to get me on top, but every time I do, it’s like I’ve broken his penis! I’m 140 lbs, not obese; and he’s no waif… His penis is medium size, so it’s not as if it’s some stub that would break if a sparrow sat on it! I’ve tried sitting straight up and moving up and down, or leaning forward and moving forward and back, but while he is encouraging, it’s never successful. I’m also afraid that sitting straight up leads me to bouncing rather than riding… and that seems to hurt! As for the blow-jobs, I can’t seem to get a rhythm; or when I do (and this is highly embarrassing) he jokingly asked if I would like to breath!

He is perfectly confident and supportive, and I’d really like to get over my insecurities. I’m sorry for such a long explanation and please, if you have any advice, it would do a lot of help.

Desperately,
Finally French (Pennsylvania)

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