Sex is a wonderful thing, but afterwards can be a little awkward if you don’t know what to talk about. Here are some tips for after sex... continue reading
Sex is a wonderful thing, but afterwards can be a little awkward if you don’t know what to talk about. Here are some tips for after sex discussions.
Ok, semen’s out. Now what?
The world doesn’t end when you orgasm, there is a continuing, social, person-to-person interaction after intercourse. That intimacy bubble doesn’t burst when you ejaculate. This may not be evident in one-shot deals where you’ll probably never see each other again, but it becomes very obvious in long-term relationships.
What Is After Sex Talk?
Afterplay talk is very similar to boy-girl date conversation, the only difference is that you don’t talk crap just to get into her pants because you’ve been there and done her. It’s one of pure communication as the only motive is to bond with your partner – and have fun while at it. The ability to converse and temporarily forego sleep separates great lovers from men who roll over and go to sleep after barely slipping the condom off their shiny penises.
Being awake post-coitus is one of the marks of a guy who gets laid regularly, who doesn’t resort to typical begging. He knows that afterplay is the most important bridge to the next sack session. For one cannot keep ignoring a woman’s need for post-ejaculation companionship.
If you constantly make her feel she’s just good for the sex, over time, she’ll wise up and realize she has something you want – and if you don’t treat her any better, you’ll experience a shortage of it – a sort of what goes around comes around situation.
Do You Have To Talk After Sex?
Sure, there is no law compelling you to engage in afterplay conversations, you can always doze the night/afternoon away. But sooner or later, you’ll wake up, and soon, you’ll have boners and you’ll have the hots for her again. What I’m saying is that in terms of relationships, this is an investment worth your effort. I will not explain why this is, I hope you are insightful enough to realize that this matters to women and not to miss the fact that you have as much to gain.
What NOT To Discuss
Except for a few landmines, you can talk about virtually anything under the sun. Talk about your most intimate secrets for all I care, although simpler topics are better. Talk about the ingredients of your version of the World’s Perfect Sandwich. Anything!
Don’t turn it into a serious, drawn-out discussion, do it in the spirit of fun. Be unthreatening, playful, and don’t make a big deal out of it.
But no guy talk. Guys can yak away about their passions not knowing they’re slowly lullabying the woman to sleep. Conversations involving engines, radiators and hydraulics should be saved for your car mechanic on poker nights. Same thing goes for guns, the playoffs and RPGs. All she’ll really hear is “Blah blah, bablahblablah.” Imagine her talking about lip gloss, concealers and asking for your personal philosophy on make-up. How can you engage? You can listen to death, but all you’ll really hear is “Blah blah blah, bablah,blabla… and that’s why I need your credit card this Sunday.”
Veer off negative topics like death, accidents, failures and disappointments. Stay away from stuff that caused friction in the past (eg. bills, ex’s, in-laws, nagging). They’re anti-climactic. Why would you stop a great aura with a lousy remark about how you absolutely abhor her friends?
Spiral up, don’t start digging holes.
What You SHOULD Talk About
Talk to her vanity instead. Talk her up. Comment on her sexual prowess, make her feel so good about herself she’ll want to do you again and again. (This is one way of starting a sexual addiction.)
In addition to talking about simple, fun stuff, the couple can also discuss the SEX and further refine the experience. Unless you engage your lady in open, honest sexual conversation, she’ll try giving you an orgasm with the often frustrating trial and error method. Simply telling her what you want saves time and a whole lot of errors. She may not instantly become an expert, but she’ll get on with the program and improve steadily.
During the heat of passion, one doesn’t have the luxury to plug in a projector, use a laser pointer, and graphically illustrate the moves. So one simply howls, ‘to the left’ or ‘more! After sex, you actually have the luxury of gathering your thoughts, choosing your words and belting out a speech. It’s an opportunity to communicate clearly and precisely.
SO, TELL HER WHAT YOU WANT! (She’d appreciate it.)
Not being able to specifically pin down your desires is an entirely different thing. Honestly, have you ever spared a second to think about the kind of sex that you want? If not, then no wonder you can’t communicate them to a woman, and no wonder you’re not getting it from her!
Still, many don’t sound-off because of fear. It’s that timeless fear of rejection, the embarrassment of being said “NO” to, the sting of being laughed at and told, “You want that?! You sicko!” Add to that the anxiety of telling your woman that she actually sucks at a technique she prides herself in, like a blowjob.
These fears will always exist. And there’s eerie comfort in knowing that many guys experience them.
The most effective way of dealing with such is not by explaining them away or denying their existence, it’s by learning exactly what to do.