Sex tips? Who needs those? You know the basics, right? You know exactly what you need to do to get her wet and in the mood. You go at foreplay for all you’re worth and she starts making those tell-tale noises in your ear to let you know that you’re turning her on.
Just as she’s getting in the mood for more, you take a dive down south and stick in a finger to see if the waters are warm. If she’s not ready, it’s back to the testing phase – a little more kissing, necking, nipples and bum. This back and forth is not only annoying when we aren’t aroused yet, but makes us feel pressured. The only thing that seems to make a difference toward the success of women who overcome sexual dysfunction is the commitment of their mates.
Wet Doesn’t Mean Ready
If your wife is warm and wet when you test her out, do you take that as a sign that it’s time for sex and head straight for intercourse? Not so fast! Being lubricated and being open for sex is not the same thing. One of the best sex tips to give is don’t assume just because they are wet that they are ready. Their body and mind need to be open before intercourse will feel good to them.
Don’t fall victim to the belief that if you don’t “strike while the iron is hot” she will become less aroused as you continue to stimulate her before having sex. The opposite is true, unless she’s really tired, in which case there’s no magic you can do besides giving her a chance to get the rest she needs.
She will learn to lovingly live with it, much more than she would learn to live with you being standoffish, awkward and emotionally distant because you’re always “waiting for the right time.”
It’s Not Always About Orgasm
Yes, women like to have an orgasm. We are human after all, and our bodies are programmed for pleasure. Perhaps it is the fact that men are three to five times more likely than women to orgasm during every sexual encounter but we women don’t need to be so goal-oriented.
Sure, it might be fun to play a game once in a while, just to see how many orgasms your wife can have, but she doesn’t want every sexual moment to be a marathon. Each encounter doesn’t have to be an event – sometimes it’s nice to just relax and enjoy the sensations and emotions of being together.
In other words, stop acting like it’s the end of the world if your woman doesn’t come! What is the point of being passive aggressive? Bullying your partner into enjoying herself is pretty counter-intuitive, right?
Intercourse is supposed to be about feeling good and there are plenty of good feelings that may not lead directly to orgasm. Heck, if she gets there every time, she’s doing better than 85% of other women out there, and only about half report having orgasms with their partner.
A Watched Pot Never Boils
I like sex. In fact, I love it. I love orgasms, too. But when my husband would ask me over and over if I was “there yet?” it drove me mad! Sure, it was nice to know that he cared one way or the other. But the pressure to perform for him was so overwhelming; I would end up faking just to get him to stop asking.
Here is one of the best sex tips I know. No woman wants to be pestered about her orgasm. Honestly, if you have to ask, you aren’t fingering her well enough yet to make her body tell you of its own volition. In this case, that is where you should be focusing your energy, not pushing your orgasmic expectations and your trivial real-world cares and stresses onto her exactly when she needs to relax and let go the most.
Let me put this very simply. If you can’t tell whether or not your partner has had a female orgasm, you better stop acting like Casanova and trying to collect orgasms like trophies. When you can recognize the tell-tale signs of an orgasm, put your mouth to good use and make it happen! And I don’t mean by talking at her incessantly until she fakes it so you’ll shut up and leave her be.
Sometimes, I am just not in the mood for wild sex and multiple orgasms, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to cuddle or play. Just because your wife might not up for The Big O doesn’t mean you can’t work on one for you, or suggest a bit of mutual masturbation! Many women will start to experience the onset of sexual desire after getting started, so a slightly-less-than-enthusiastic response isn’t the kiss of death.