Does Wanting to See My Wife Have Sex With Another Man Make Me Gay?

One of the most popular fantasies out there is the idea of the threesome

Most men love the idea of seeing their woman have sex with another woman while they watch, or the idea of having two women have sex with him at the same time.

But threesome fantasies don’t stop there

There are also men out there, who love the idea of watching their woman have sex with another man.

Here’s an interesting question.  If a man enjoys the idea of watching his woman have sex with another man, does this make him gay?

Here’s a question from Michael whose fantasies have him wondering about his sexuality.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have talked jokingly about threesomes in the past. But recently she’s been bringing up the idea more often. I’m worried about what she would want afterwards like if she’d wanna bring home a guy. I don’t know how to respond…

I have entertained the thought of watching her have sex with another man while I watch. Would that make me gay to enjoy watching it? Also, I had more homo erotic thoughts but haven’t gotten hard around a guy that’s straight.

Am I just curious, confused or bi?

– Michael, Massachusetts

Does This Mean I’m Gay?

We’re all sexual beings. We all have a unique ideas and fantasies, things that turn us on. Don’t get stuck on labels and just consider yourself ‘sexual’. It’s very common, and very exciting for most men, to think of their girlfriend as bi-curious, but most men get a little nervous when they think of a bi-curious boy.

But on that topic… We ran an online dating site for over three years and were very surprised by the large number of bisexual or bi-curious men. It’s not as uncommon as you might like to think.

There’s nothing wrong with being bi-curious, bisexual, or gay. That’s just your sexual preference. The sooner you get in touch with your own sexual preferences and desires, the happier and more fulfilled your sex life will be.

On The Topic Of Threesomes

So the idea of watching your partner with another man or woman that you really excited – and you have talked to one another enough to know that it gets your partner excited as well…

Here three tips to help make your first threesome more successful:

1. Talk About It

Before you and your partner set out to act out your fantasies of having a threesome, it’s critical that you both talk about it and understand why you want to do it. It’s also important to talk about what kind of threesome you are interested in.

Do you want to see your girlfriend with another woman, or perhaps another man. Do you want to see your boyfriend with another woman or another man. Do you both want to be intimately involved, or you prefer to just watch.

It’s also important to talk about who this third person will be. Will it be a close friend?  Will it be a stranger? Do you want to be friends with him or her afterword are you just looking for one night stand? What should his or her age be? What should they look like?

It’s important to talk about the details up front so that you don’t end up fighting over something silly halfway down the road…

2. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them

Boundaries…

This is an important one that many people overlook. Before your first threesome, and your second, and your third, talk about what’s OK and what’s not. Where is your comfort zone? Where is your partners comfort zone? Are there any actions that are forbidden?

It’s a worthwhile exercise to actually take the time to write down what is OK and one is not. We have some good friends who jokingly refer to their first list… it must’ve been 100 items long. You can do this.  You can’t do that.  This is OK.  That’s not. — Now they have just two runs a list away. That works for them. Your list may get longer. The important thing here is that you talk about it and agree on the ground rules before during and after.

3.  Try It And Then Talk About It Some More

Once everyone’s happy and feels COMPLETELY comfortable, go for it. Try it. See how it feels and talk about those feelings. What surprised you? What didn’t? Did the experience go as you expected it? Do you want to do it again?

Hopefully by now you get the point…

Communication is critical in your relationship and even more important when you bring other people into the relationship.

We can’t say it enough… Talk. Talk.  Talk.


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