Q&A: Swinging & Threesomes – When Things Go Bump In The Night

Lots of male/female couples are interested in swinging or having a threesome, but many guys are worried about having a threesome with another guy. That’s why most of the time, threesomes end up being between a guy and two girls, rather than a girl and two guys. Being nervous about a MFM threesome is common, but sometimes there may be pressure on you from your girl or the other guy to be ok with it. Before you jump into something you’re not sure about, there are a few things that come into play when discussing a threesome with your partner, from whether you’re comfortable with something to what’s ok and what’s not ok.

Question: (paraphrased from German-English…)

Hope we get the points correctly… I’ve been with my girlfriend for 1 ½ years and we’ve always been into fetishes and stuff. We’ve been going to a fetish club for a while and it’s really nice and the people are great. We thought about getting with another girl or a couple but the last time we tried to be a bit voyeuristic, a ‘guy’ tried to get with us. Since then I’m not sure what to think. I’m still interested in another girl or couple – but not sure about the guy thing?

–YouTube Viewer

Communication Is Key

Communicating with your partner about having a threesome or a foursome is absolutely essential before you – and whoever else you’re planning on having sex with – step foot in the bedroom. Sit down and talk with your partner about how you feel about having a threesome or swinging and encourage them to open up about how they feel about it too. Keeping feelings and thoughts about having an open marriage is often what ends up causing trouble down the road after things have already gotten started and you can’t really go back. If you’re uncomfortable with something, or don’t want certain things to happen during the threesome, make your concerns known and talk about them with your partner. Talk about feelings of jealousy or trust issues and make sure you and your partner are both on the same page when it comes to having a threesome.

Define What You’re Uncomfortable With

When talking with your partner about what is ok and what is not ok during the threesome, don’t be afraid to define exactly what you’re comfortable with or uncomfortable with. Is kissing others on the mouth ok, or would you prefer to only kiss your partner on the mouth? Is oral sex or anal sex ok, or are those things you’d like to steer clear of? This is where you want to speak up if having another man in the equation is not something you’re comfortable with. If you’d prefer a MFF threesome instead of a MFM – or you’re totally against having a MFM threesome – let your partner know. Define exactly what you’re uncomfortable with (as well as what is ok) so there are absolutely no questions later.

Nobody Takes One For The Team

In a threesome situation, there is no such thing as “taking one for the team.” It is not ok to pressure someone to try to like something or be okay with something just so you can enjoy yourself and the same goes for if you’re uncomfortable with something – you don’t have to “try” to like something or pretend you’re ok with something during a threesome so your partner and whoever else is involved can have fun. If you’re not into anal sex, don’t let someone pressure you into “just trying it out” to see how you like it. Make it clear that it’s something that is not ok, before heading to the bedroom. Hopefully, you’ve had a chance to not only talk to your partner about what you aren’t ok with, but also with the other person or couple who will be joining you. If you’ve done this already, chances are, things you’re not ok with (and things other people aren’t ok with) won’t even come up during the situation. On occasion, couples will go to sex clubs and end up meeting someone that they want to take home with them that night, and there’s not really time to discuss the ins and outs of what you want to happen during the threesome. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to speak up during sex and say, “This is not something I’m comfortable with, can we try something else?” Your partner should have your back, especially if you’ve already talked with them about the threesome.


Related Articles

read more articles on Swingers & Threesomes