Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover?

You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

— Samantha, Uganda

Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you “shouldn’t” have them, or that you “brought them on yourself” because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

Your relationship is only going to be doomed if you let it. If you’re feeling hurt and upset about the swinging, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it. Let them know how you’re feeling without blaming your partner and without being critical. Talk about what happened and when you’re done talking, talk some more! Be open and honest in your communication.

The number one reason that swinging ends up destroying relationships is because one or both partners don’t communicate with each other. They’re not on the same page and they stay that way, because no one speaks up. Discuss with your partner what hurt you and find out what went wrong. Is there a way that it could be prevented in the future, should you decide to swing again?

By being on the same page as your partner and talking to each other about what went wrong with the swinging, you can begin to heal those hurt feelings. You can put the feelings of jealousy aside as your partner reassures you and together you can work to put aside what happened and begin to strengthen your relationship.

With open and honest communication, you can keep a bad swinging experience from ruining your relationship with your partner. If you decide never to swing again, that’s your prerogative. It’s important to understand that swinging isn’t for everyone and as long as you and your partner are open with each other, you can both come out having learned a lot!


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