Are You Undateable?

Recently I met a man online.  We exchanged a few emails and I began to think that maybe, just maybe, he had dating potential.

A few emails later, he disclosed that he is currently living with his ex. Not because they are involved, but because he can’t afford to live on his own.

And besides, this way he gets to be with his son, but it does make it hard to date.

Trying hard not to judge, I agreed to a meeting which he canceled due to a work obligation. Okay, no problem.  We’ll just do it another time.

Then he invited me to a movie matinee.  Hmm….could be fun. The next email said he’d have to let me know.  He needed to check his finances.  And, big surprise, he canceled.

The next thing he suggested was that I come to meet him. At his home. With his 2-year-old son present. His ex wouldn’t be there, but he was really unable to afford the gas to come to me.

Really? By this time, I was completely turned off.

So, step by step what’s the problem here?

It’s not about money

Before you call me shallow, let me just say this is not at all about how much money the man makes or what kind of car he drives.  I’m not a gold digger and I’m not looking for someone to support me. I can do that all by myself thank you very much.

But really if he can’t even afford the gas to drive 30 miles to meet me, there’s more wrong here than just his income.

In one email conversation he went on and on about how he needed to go back to college to finish his education and make some money.  Yet, he still hasn’t done so and seems to only want to give the idea lip service.

Can you say lack of motivation? Lack of goals? How is that attractive?

Ummm…he lives with the ex?

How in the world is a man who lives with his ex in a position to become involved with someone else? She gave him a place to stay when he needed one and he gets to be with his son.  Well, isn’t that just fabulous?  I’d say girlfriend isn’t stupid.

She gets someone to help with the bills and a built in babysitter. She did him a favor? I think not.

I get that it’s important for him to be with his son. In fact, he gets points for that. However, this is really not the place for a man who professes to want to find a long term partner to be in. I mean seriously, what woman wants to date a man who can’t even take her back to his place for a romantic evening? Not this one.

And then there are the children

I don’t know about you but a man who suggests a first meet with his 2-year-old son present, worries me just a bit.  Oh and did I mention that he planned to bring his 8-year-old daughter to the matinee date?

Most single parents understand that introducing the children right away is not a good plan. Children of single and divorced parents are often vulnerable. Introducing them to someone you don’t know or who may or may not become a part of their lives is just irresponsible. Not to mention, it’s just bad parenting.

Bottom line

Be in a position to date. Period. The dating pool is full of deadbeats and losers. If you’re going to get the girl, you need to be attractive to the girl.

Have something to offer. Be the guy that every girl wants to be with. Get your priorities in line and learn what attracts women. Then be that!

How to get there from here

Go to school. Yes, college is expensive. Motivation and drive, on the other hand, are girl magnets. I want a guy who knows what he wants in life and knows how to get it. Get a student loan, get a grant, get a move on dude!

Ditch the ex. So you’re working your butt off and now you’re back in college, good for you. Money is tight, apartments are expensive. Uh huh. So what? Get a roommate or rent a studio apartment. To get the girl, you need your own space.

Your night with the kids? Fabulous. Women love men who love their children. So wait for another night for your date. Find someone who wants to trade babysitting. Doesn’t cost you a dime that way. Putting your children’s needs first attracts women like crazy.

And seriously

Dating is hard enough. As the old saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince. Don’t make it more difficult by being the guy no girl in her right mind would go out with.


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