Been Out of the Dating Game for A While? Here Are Some Pointers That Will Save You Time And Heartache

You’re a widow, divorced or caught in the midst of life’s circumstances. Perhaps you’d never thought this would happen to you at this time of your life, being alone.

Maybe you’re alone by choice but not really sure if you want to remain that way. There are plenty of choices of where to go from here, but the tough part is making the one that’s right for you.

If you’ve been out of dating a number of years, you may find the dating scene has changed considerably.

I hadn’t dated for 25 when I stumbled back in. I experienced a wide array of emotions; shock, dismay, impatience, annoyance and even moments of wonder.

Some Pointers That May Save You Time and Pain

Learn to recognize those who are “takers” – those who want a physical relationship and nothing more. If you’re also looking for a noncommittal relationship, this may work for you. However, be aware that once intimacy enters a relationship, the rules change. Many times it leaves the door open for attachment and ultimately, unfulfilled expectations if one party leaves.

Unsafe and Unprotected Sex

We tell our children to use condoms and practice safe sex. We owe ourselves the same. Educate yourself on sexually transmitted diseases and how to avoid them.

A Free Meal is Only a Free Meal If…

If you are treated, there’s no obligation other than a gracious thank you. If you don’t feel a connection with someone, offer to pay for your portion of the check.

Abusive Relationships

No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, whether verbal, mental or physical. Walk away. Don’t hold false hope that things will get better.

Smooth Talkers

We all know at least one, don’t we? They’ve had a lot of practice to talk their way through just about anything and anyone. Do I need to say more?

Needy Relationships

Everyone likes to feel needed from time to time, but if you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly bailing someone out, save yourself the stress and your wallet.

Emotionally Unavailable Individuals (Surface Daters)

They talk a good game, but can’t deliver any lasting commitment or anything beyond the immediate moment. They have a difficult time offering support in any substantial way, show no real caring in you as an individual, nor do they exhibit a real interest in sticking around.

These relationships (for want of a better word) start fast and fizzle shortly thereafter.

Clinging and unwarranted jealously might feel empowering at first, but be cautious about being sucked into a relationship based on this type of need. Do you seriously want to be in a relationship where your every move is questioned and up for inspection?

Dating Can Do a Number on Your Self-Confidence

In today’s world dating can take a hard shot at your self-confidence. You begin to wonder if the right person will ever come along. You’ve done your best to be proactive. Everyone says you’re intelligent, attractive… and yet you’re still batting zero on the dating scene. Is it you or is it everyone else? It may be a combination of both.

As a widow of almost five years, I’ve found what worked best for me was pursuing my own interests. Involve yourself in activities and work that stimulates you, instead of placing that burden on a prospective partner. When you feel more whole as an individual, you might just find that perfect someone popping up into your life when you least expect it.


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