Burned By His Ex… Will He Ever Commit to a Relationship With Me?

It’s an age old dilemma…

A  woman is dating a guy who isn’t ready to commit.  It can certainly be vice versa, and either way, it’s frustrating to be the one ready to commit when your partner isn’t.

Everyone stresses the importance of being on the same page relationship-wise with your partner and they’re right.  What can you do though when they’re not ready to commit and you are?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met a guy through work, I’ve been out with him several times, had a good time. I like him a lot and think he likes me too. He doesn’t want a relationship and a commitment because an ex girlfriend whom he was planning to marry dumped him for another man nearly two years ago. He said he still wants to meet up now and again.

I’m wondering what’s the point in meeting anymore. But on the other hand I’m also thinking that maybe I should continue seeing him and give him some space and don’t hassle him and then see if over time something does develop. What do you think ?

-D, United Kingdom

Your partner wants to continue casual dating

That’s great, but remember, you have to read between the lines.  Do you think that your partner truly wants to continue casual dating or is just too afraid to say that they’re “not that into you?”  If you suspect the latter, just confront your partner in a positive way to find out the truth.  If they really are into you but just want a casual relationship, go for it!

You also need to ask yourself if you’re comfortable with casual dating.  Is this something you’d like to continue doing as well?  There are two sides to this coin. If you enjoy being with your partner and you have fun together, you might want to relax a little about the commitment issue.  It could be that you’re with the right person but it’s not the right place or time for a commitment and that’s okay!

On the other hand, if you’re just plain not comfortable with casual dating if you can’t see it going anywhere, then you might want to consider moving on.  It sounds harsh, but holding on to hope that something will change later on down the road while you’re unhappy in the present is just going to make both you and your partner miserable.

Only move forward with the relationship if you’re fine with casual dating from here on out because there is the possibility that your partner will never want a committed relationship.

Moving forward

If you decide to move forward with the relationship, it’s important that your commitment shy partner get lots of space.  Giving them no room to breath or giving them ultimatums will likely result in relationship disaster.

Find things you like to do and enjoy them. Go for a walk, join a bowling league or sign up for that painting class you’ve been eyeing.  Busy yourself with things that nurture your being and let your partner fall in between the cracks.  Make time for them but don’t make your whole world revolve around them.

That can sometimes be the key to getting a commitment shy person to warm up to you. They don’t feel like they’re the center of your universe and ,if they make one wrong move, your universe will come crashing down.  Who wants to have that much pressure put on them?

Either way, if you and your partner end up calling it quits later, you haven’t missed out on things you wanted to do.  If you do work out, you’ve learned how to build a solid foundation for a relationship.


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